SGALGG: Emmy Edition

You know, there wasn’t even that much SGALGG at the Emmys, more evidence that it was a generally forgettable year (minus a few notable exceptions, who of course helped prove the rule). But I worked hard to find you the closest I could find to Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals at the awards this year, because I believe in selfless endeavors that betters humanity. Also, I just like it when ladies hold hands. And this gives me more opportunities to post pictures of Tina and Amy. Award season gives you lemons, you turn it into Liz Lemonade. Too much? Well, I tried. On to the SGALGG.

Tina & Amy

I love how it looks like Tina is totally checking out Amy’s ass and Amy is all, “Like what you see, of course you do.”

Alison Pill & Jane Fonda

I don’t know what Jane is trying to do to Allison, but I’m not entirely sure it’s consensual.

Diahann Carroll & Kerry Washington

Two beautiful women who look beautiful together. No joke, just facts.

“Orange Is the New Black” Emmy Selfies

Stop being so adorable, cast. You only make me miss you more.

Sofia Vergara & Padma Lakshmi

I. Will. Be. In. My. Bunk.

Sofia Vergara & Julie Bowen

Clearly Julie’s being all possessive with Sofia after seeing that display with Padma.

Claire Danes & Lena Dunham

If you watched the E! Red Carpet, you saw Lena & Claire discuss being BFFs. You also saw they awkward goodbye faux makeout.

Bonus: GGALGG

Carla Gallo & Sarah Paulson

I really wanted the gay lady to win for playing a gay lady. Better luck with “American Horror Story: Coven,” Sarah.

Clea DuVall & Natasha Lyonne

Graham + Megan 4EVA

The Ever Afters

Nostalgia is a powerful drug. It’s why an unexpected mention of one of your favorite childhood books – be it “Where the Red Fern Grows” or “Anne of Green Gables” or that childhood memories juggernaut “Harry Potter” – can bring up instant emotions of communal delight. And that why lesbians everywhere goes nuts when Piper Perabo tweets Lena Headey. And why every time Renee O’Connor and Lucy Lawless hug at some public event a baby dyke gets her wings. And why the photo of Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall snuggling up above probably made your heart skip a big lesbian beat. I remember seeing “But I’m a Cheerleader” in theaters some 14 years ago. Yes, FOURTEEN years ago. That movie came out in 1999, people. But I think I can still recite Natasha’s big gay cheer for Clea by heart. Like childhood memories, lesbian movies memories from our formative coming out years always tend to mean the most. Hell, I happily own a copy of “Go Fish” – terrible acting and all. And it’s often the couple – whether they end up happily ever after or not – that make the biggest impression. And that couple becomes The Couple to us. Plus we gay ladies tend to be a stubbornly loyal group – once we love you we’ll love you forever. So here’s a small taste of then & now nostalgia via some of The Couples we all love

For a lot of people Megan & Graham will be The Couple of their youth. For others it’s Rachel & Luce. For others still it’s Vivian & Cay.

Lena Headey & Piper Perabo/Rachel & Luce
Lena needs to cameo on “Covert Affairs.” I’d wish for Piper to be on “Game of Thrones,” but we all know she’d probably just die a horrible death. So, you know, let’s play it safe.

Helen Shaver & Patricia Charbonneau/Vivian & Cay
See, she stayed on that train well past the next stop.

Lucy Lawless & Renee O’Connor/Xena & Gabrielle
Could you imagine if Renee showed up on “Parks & Rec” and Ron suddenly felt strangely jealous? You’re welcome for the free story idea, writers.

Natasha Lyonne & Clea DuVall/Megan & Graham
Clearly, Clea needs to get herself sent to Litchfield. Clearly.

Right, so who it The Couple for you. And, admit it, you feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about all these imaginary happily ever afters.

Lesbian Horror Story

WARNING: Scary-ass spoilers for the Season 2 premiere of “American Horror Story” ahead. Especially the scary part.

First, it was like a lesbian dream. Sarah Paulson and Clea Duvall playing lesbian partners in 1964. One is an eager cub reporter wanting to prove herself (that’s be Sarah’s Lana). The other is a third-grade science teacher. They’re in love, living together and – yes – even get to kiss.

Then, just like that, it’s a lesbian nightmare. Sarah gets discovered lurking around the mental asylum and then, horror or horrors, institutionalized because of her homosexuality when her partner is blackmailed into signing the papers with the threat of exposure.

Of course, the nightmare part is sort of the point. The whole show is like a waking nightmare. Truth be told I stopped watching the first season after a few episode because ZOMGSCARY. But now I’m torn about this season. I’m pretty much a wuss, so scary movies/shows/whathaveyou make me hide a pillow. But, I do greatly appreciate that this is a show with actual gay ladies playing gay ladies on screen. But then on the other hand, how terrifying is it to be thrown into an insane asylum for being gay. Worst still, it actually used to happen.

There’s also the matter of this being a Ryan Murphy/Brad Falchuk production. So, their track records with the lesbians is a mixed bag. On the one hand, they gave us Brittana. On the other hand, everything else. So I’m not sure if I should be afraid or really, really afraid for the lesbians in the show.

All this boils down to one big question: Will I keep watching? Well, not alone and definitely not with the lights out.