My Weekend Crush

As one might expect, I’m pretty damn excited that my Fake TV Wife Tina Fey has landed not one, but two new TV shows. Sure, she’s just executive producing and not starring in either. But both the stories revolve around female leads and are being co-produced by talented members of her “30 Rock” team. One was sold to Fox about an all-woman’s college accepting men for the first time. The other, sold to NBC, is about a young woman who finds a new home and family in New York’s famous gay enclave of Fire Island. Shows about possible gay shenanigans and a woman’s college? Yeah, I’m expecting good, good things. But what I’m also excited about is that Tina having two TV shows means Tina will be doing more press again. Which means Tina will appear on late-night talk shows and tell delightful stories about her life and possibly sociopath of a youngest daughter. Like she did

p.s. If you stole Tina’s computer and all her unfinished jokes, you are the biggest jerkstore there ever was.

For Good

Life gives us so few moments of pure serendipity. So when they happen, I think it’s important to stop and appreciate the universe’s happy accidents. Like when Kristin Chenoweth called up a random audience member while performing at the Hollywood Bowl last Friday to sing with her on “For Good.” And that audience member turned out to be a vocal instructor who could really, really sing. That’s what happened when Sarah Horn came on stage. I love when, given that once-in-a-lifetime chance at something extraordinary, we humans totally nail it. And I love how much everyone’s favorite pocket-sized human, Cheno, loved the moment, too. Good on you, Sarah.

When Naya met Demi

I’m going to be super honest, I mix Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez up in my head all the time. Which one dated Justin Bieber again? Weren’t they in a movie together? Is she the one who went to rehab? Actually, despite my frequent habit of mixing up the assorted Disneyettes, once I straighten out who she is I realized I like Demi. “Skyscraper” is a good little song and I totally sing along to “Heart Attack” in the car. And she has been refreshingly frank about her struggles with everything form bulimia to cutting and drug and alcohol abuse. All that and the girl is only 21 years old.

So when I heard she was joining “Glee” next season as Dani, a struggling NYC artist, I thought, well, that’s a pretty good casting choice. Can sing, can act (I’m guessing here, I’ve never seen “Camp Rock”). And now the Naya Rivera let news sneaks out at the MTV VMAs that Demi will play none other than Santana Lopez’s love interest next season on “Glee.” (p.s. Way to bury the lede, MTV. The headline on their story On Naya’s interview talks just about Demi joining the “Dark Side.”)

[NOTE: A couple of you said this was autoplaying. It wasn't for me when I open the page. But I turned it into a link anyway. GO HERE TO SEE THE VIDEO.]

Boom went the lesbian dynamite. OK, fine. Dammit, FINE. I’m intrigued, “Glee.” You’ve made me decide to set the DVR again for a season pass. Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in.

The evolution of my interest in the show has gone from shushing those in the room to not miss a thing to multi-tasking while it’s on in the background. Oh, that utterly forgettable Ryder kid is singing about being Catfished? Guess it’s time to reorganize the sock drawer again.

But I remain, despite my better judgment, curious about how this show where kids who sing their often boneheaded and sometimes beautiful feelings will handle the next step in Ms. Lopez’s life. Yes, I’ll always miss that rare, fleeting unicorn that was Brittana. They will always, always be special. But, like many people, we move on from our first loves – sometimes after very painful, premature endings – to find new people to fill our hearts with song. And, if we’re very lucky, the one to make it sing forever.

I have no idea what Glee & Co. has in store for Santana and Dani. I hope it’s the kind of organic, unexpected love story I know the show can do if they really try. Still, even if it’s not, there’s always laundry to fold while nice kids sing and dance on the screen.

p.s. Sandani? Dantana? Santani? Dana? Sani? Nope, not Sani – that sounds like sanitary napkin which is the worst portmanteau imagery of all time.

p.p.s. If the video auto-playing for anyone else. It is not for me, but was mentioned in the comments. Let me know and I will attempt to fix it.

Target: Trophy Women

Hey, remember Sarah Haskins? Funny lady saying smart things about how women’s representation in the media in funny ways? I called her My Fake Internet Girlfriend? You can find posts here, here and, well, just click the “Sarah Haskins” tag. (Sadly Current TV no longer supports its own old embed – boo, you suck – so I’ve embedded working prime example below. With bonus cameo by Leisha Hailey.)



Well, she left Current and stopped doing her Target Women segments back in 2010. And since then you really haven’t heard much from her. I garnered from following her on The Tweeter Machine that she got married and had a kid. And earlier this month, while again reading The Tweets, this time from the Television Critics Association press tour I read that she had created a new TV series coming to ABC this fall. It’s called “Trophy Wife.” I know, we all hate the title already. At the TCA’s last week, the show’s producers said the title was meant to be “ironic.” But see how well that worked out for Alanis Morissette? Also, the concept is also a little meh. A woman marries a man 20 years her senior who already has two ex-wives and assorted children from his previous marriages and hijinks ensues. If Sarah Haskin’s name wasn’t attached to it, I’d skip it and rewatch “The Fosters” instead for some blended family kickassery.

But Sarah does have her name attached to it, and it is actually based loosely on her real life. She moved to LA, met Blake Edward’s son (who is also 20 years her senior and the stepson of Julie Andrews), got married and had a kid. But this is Sarah. She has skewered everything from Botox, rom-coms and that yogurt that makes you poop. So surely she’ll be able to bring a feminist twist to the May-December cliché of being the so-called trophy wife, right?

Having seen the pilot, I can say it has promise. It’s not great, not by a long shot. At least not yet. It relies on an irritating voiceover technique from its heroine, played by Malin Akerman. But I do think there’s potential for a lot of wonderful female performances and perspective from the all the wives – the exes are played by Marcia Gay Harden and Michaela Watkins.

So, guess what, I’m going to give a show called – gulp, grit my teeth – “Trophy Wife” a chance. Because Sarah has never been off target on women before. So let’s see how she does this time.



p.s. Though, I’ll be honest, the Asian stepson is by far my favorite character so far.

Naked Lady Monday: VMA Edition

With each passing year I get more, “You kids get off my lawn!” about the MTV VMAs. So much noise, posturing and bright lights. And I know this year everyone wants to talk about Miley Cyrus and her tongue, teddy bears and twerking on some Footlocker employee who wandered onstage. (True Fact: If you say Beetlejuice three times Robin Thicke appears to have Miley grind on him.) While I, like everyone else, have the tendency to shake my head at Hannah Montana’s current shenanigans, I also don’t think there’s anything particularly new and/or scandalous about female pop stars going through a look-at-me-I’m-so-raunchy phase and/or career. Please see Madonna, Christina Aguilera, Rihanna et al. To quote the lady herself, “It’s our body we can do what we want to.” It’s not the end of the civilized world as we know it. Though, honey, those flesh-tone bikini bottoms are doing no one any favors.



But what I’d rather talk about is the fact that Lady Gaga sold her new single “Applause” to the Kia hamsters. What the what? Look, I understand everyone needs to make a buck. I have no problem with blatant commercialism. This is America and capitalism is our only one true religion. But if you’re going to shill for some dancing rodents, please don’t name your album “ARTPOP” and expect us to take it seriously. Though, in her defense, “Applause” is the best damn anthem for Tinkerbell that anyone has ever written.



Also, just to make sure my Gay Card gets renewed (I mean, even Obama acknowledged Gaga as our fearless leader), the Lady does have the most amazing ass. Sure, that seashell underwear was probably uncomfortable. But at least it gave us this. Now that is dedication to one’s art.

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My Weekend Crush

The older I get – and believe me, I’m getting fucking older – the less informed I become by my anger. Finding coalition around anger is easy. It’s what built the multi-million dollar anger empires of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. Anger that flails around in a frenzy looking for a reason loves company. The certainty of rage can, oddly enough, be comforting. The Tea Party is political group built entirely around anger about taxes and guns and assorted other things they believe are their God-given right to get angry about.

I have found, in my almost seven and a half years writing for the series of tubes, that people get the most angry at me when I’m not angry at the same things they are. It’s an interesting and understandable phenomena. We come online, many of us, seeking solidarity and a megaphone for our voice. That’s why fandom is so powerful. The communal experience of loving a thing is transcendent. But the flip side is the shared experience of hating a thing, of shared anger and indignation. Folks responded more to the posts where I just railed at Ryan Murphy than the posts where I just loved on Brittana. That’s not a judgment, that’s just a fact.

If you are angry, I certainly understand that and would never deny you your anger. We have a lot of shit to be angry about. In fact sometimes all we feel is hate, so I understand the desire to lash out at anything associated with that kind of pain. Anger can be justified and anger can be righteous. Anger can spark a revolution. We need anger. But right now, for me, love – that undeniable source of all good in this too often cruel and random universe – is what I’d rather project. I know, I’m sounding all Rainshower Moonbeam Kale & Quinoa Salad here. But compassion is truly what moves the human heart. Anger moves our other muscles and our mouths.

I am also certainly not here to scold anyone. Scolding in itself implies self-righteous anger. I’m not angry with anyone here. I’m sad you feel mad at my lack of anger, mostly. I write to parse out ideas, express opinions, spread information and share Big Lesbian Feelings. You are welcome to take what you want and leave what you want. You are welcome to remain angry with me until the end of time. That’s entirely your prerogative.

But while we may not agree on every issue, I hope we can disagree respectfully. And I hope we can at least agree on the big issues. LGBT rights are immutable human rights. Women’s rights are immutable human rights. Minority rights are immutable human rights. Also, ladies are awesome and look amazing in tank tops. These are the things that matter.

Life is such a strange, strange journey and in the end if all we can say we’ve tried our best to be kind to those around us then I believe it was well worth every dip in the road.

In other life-is-fucking-weird news, here is Taylor Swift and Tegan & Sara singing “Closer.” I can’t quite get my head around it, nor can I comprehend T-Swizzle’s silver high-waisted hotpants. But then there are also 15,000 people jumping up and down with joy while singing about lesbian sex, so why the hell not. Let’s all get a little bit closer, shall we? Happy Weekend, all.

For Lee

Watching “Rizzoli & Isles” was quietly painful experience this week, and not just for the glaring disregard of actual police procedure and/or common logic. Instead it was, as you well know, because of the suicide Monday of one of its stars, Lee Thompson Young. We knew and loved watching him as Det. Barold “Barry” Frost . The always kind, sometimes squeamish, secretly geeky police partner of Det. Jane Rizzoli. He was a welcome presence in any scene.

What makes his death even more shocking is that the cast has always struck me as a tight-knit group that was quick with a laugh. These, of course, could just be projections. We never truly know what is happening in someone else’s heart. But I do know that at 29 years old, Mr. Young was indeed too young to leave this mortal coil. When real-life tragedy invades our cozy world of imagination, it jars all of us back to Earth. We are reminded that life can be short and hard and seemingly senseless. So why not be as kind as you can for as long as you can.

I will miss Barry. I will miss imagining the adorable possibilities of Frostie. I hope Lee knew how much we enjoyed seeing his beautiful smile each week.








p.s. This week’s “Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap will be posted today on AfterEllen in memory of Mr. Young. If you are feeling alone, please know there is help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24-hours a day, 7-days a week.

True Dud

Just to prove I can still get mad about things, how about a feel-good, old-fashioned rant about television. Hell yeah, let’s do this thing. As what feels like one of the last idiots left watching “True Blood,” I take great issue with this past season. It’s not necessarily that this past season was more ridiculous than any other past season. Vampires, werewolves, fairies, shifters, werepanthers, maenads, witches, etc. etc. etc. But this season was a true dud (See what I did there? See, see, see?) when it came to its LGBT relationships. The series has long been the kinky party girl of positive LGBT visibility on television. The show has had LGBT characters – Lafayette, Pam, et al – from the start. And the show has been open, so very open, to fluid sexuality. I mean, all vampires are essentially a little gay, right?

Here’s what pissed me off this season. At the end of last season, after Tara came through being shot in the head and sired by Pam, the two lady vamps sealed their relationship with a pretty fucking hot kiss. And in that moment we were all Jessica when she screamed, “I KNEW IT!” Hot damn, we knew they were hot for each other. Yay gay and a round of (non-Hep.V spiked) True Blood for everyone on me.

But then this season came and we waited. And waited. And waited. And waited some damn more to see just the tiniest of sliver of affection and, you know, hot lesbian action between these two and instead were given nothing. Nada. Bupkis. Zilch. Pam snarled at Tara. Tara snarled at Pam. Then Pam slept with the gross pervy shrink to get what she wanted and that’s pretty much it. And not only did the show completely ignore their relationship storyline, they completely ignored the storyline of Bon Temps’ other resident gaymo, Lafayette. How bad was it for us gays this season? This picture of Pam and Tara kinda, sorta adjacent each other was the only production still of them I could find where they’re in the same frame.

Which begs the question, why have Pam and Tara act like they were in love/lust with each other at all at the end of last season? Why go there if you had no intention on following through? I mean, besides just general sloppy storytelling. Ending the season as they did sets the audience up with certain expectations, which then leads to disappointment and general feelings of extreme annoyance. Was this all just for stupid, simple titillation? Really, I watched all this summer for this? They missed a golden opportunity to add layers to both Pam and Tara’s characters by delving into their complicated bond and intertwined affections. Instead, I’m pretty sure the entire point of this past season of “True Blood” was to get Alexander Skarsgard to go full frontal. As with Eric and his Little Viking, I was not impressed with the results.

Say what you will about me (and you do and that’s cool – everyone’s got an opinion), but I have always championed more and better LGBT representation on the screen. And I have always railed against tokenism (you know, that sweeps week shit). So for a show that has, for all its flaws, never trafficked in the latter to suddenly indulge in easy exploitation of temporary girl-on-girl action is discouraging, to say the least. You can do better, “True Blood.” Or maybe not. I mean, did you watch this past season? Perhaps “better” is entirely out of your reach at this point.

On Faith & Fandom

I am not a religious person. I have never gone to church regularly. My father was a scientist and my first paying job was collecting data in his lab. So I tend to look at deeply religious people with a mix of bemusement, skepticism and wariness. I do not fully understand their faith.

But, here’s the thing, I also believe people are entitled to feel their religious beliefs as deeply as they want. Just as I am free to not believe, they are free to believe. I do not have to agree with their beliefs. But as long as they don’t actively condemn me for my non-belief, I will not actively condemn them for their beliefs. Sure, we can try to change minds, but in the end if we cannot – well – live and let live.

I also do not believe everyone who belongs to a church whose doctrine includes anti-gay rhetoric is themselves anti-gay. Certainly, I wish they’d consider their denomination’s dogma and examine whether it follows their true feelings. But I don’t think all Catholics or Mormons or Scientologists or Southern Baptists are necessarily homophobes even though their religions have been overwhelmingly unsupportive of LGBT people and our rights. The irony of my love the sinner, not the sin approach to deeply religious people is not lost on me.

Which leads me to the recent heated fandom debates – to put it very mildly; you should see the email folder I’ve made for all the messages – over Rachel Skarsten of “Lost Girl” and most recently Laura Prepon of “Orange Is the New Black.” Both have been tied to churches that are reportedly anti-gay. For Rachel it is the Los Angeles church Mosaic and its pastor Erwin McManus. And for Laura it is Scientology and the speculation it had something to do with leaving her show.

McManus is on record seven years ago giving an all-too-familiar kind of soft-focus anti-gay sermon about how “I don’t believe you are in a healthy place when your identity is built around who you have sex with” and other such nonsense that’ll make you grind your teeth. You can download a full podcast of his October 2006 sermon “Life’s Toughest Questions” on iTunes for free. As for Scientology, high-profile claims of homophobia in the church and from its late founder L. Ron Hubbard have been around for ages. You can get trapped in that Google search rabbit hole for days.

I am, admittedly and obviously, not really a fan of either church or leader. And that is being incredibly gracious about my opinion.

But I will also be completely honest and say that I do not indisputably know either women’s level of involvement in their respective churches. I think most people don’t know for certain. Rachel has tweeted about being at Mosaic and has also mentioned a short film she worked on with McManus in a May interview with the blog No White Noise. Laura has said in a 2007 Women’s Health magazine interview that she is a Scientologist, though it’s not totally clear if she’s still involved with the church.

But here is what we do know. Both actresses, regardless of their religions, have signed on to play overtly lesbian or bisexual roles on television shows with overtly lesbian and bisexual content. These are not shows that stumbled upon their LGBT content during sweeps week. These are shows that wore it proudly from the start. Hell, we saw hot lesbian shower action in the first 10 seconds on OITNB. Both women have promoted their shows, championed their stories and given interviews with the LGBT press, including exclusive interview by both Rachel and Laura with us big-time lezzers at AfterEllen.

Earlier this month Laura said in an interview with Canada.com:

I’m a supporter of the gay and lesbian community. I have friends who are lesbian, I have friends who are gay. It’s all about the character. Yes there are a lot of lesbians on this show. Besides the L Word there aren’t lesbians portrayed like this on television. For me, I’ve never played a lesbian before and I think it’s awesome. As a learning experience playing this love for someone on camera and having it be a women was very interesting because I’m straight and I’ve only done it with men on camera. There is a big gay and lesbian community out there and it’s good to have more relationships on television that they can relate to and I’m glad we could be a part of that.

And a week ago Rachel tweeted:

What's all this noise guys? To clarify: I firmly believe in equality for all & have nothing but love for the LGBT community. Rach

— Rachel Skarsten (@RachieSkarsten) August 13, 2013

Does this absolve them of their church’s beliefs? No. And I truly hope each person who believes differently from her religion would work to change its discriminatory practices. So, yes, I am disappointed in both to a degree. And you are perfectly entitled to feel disappointed and upset. But just as we in the LGBT community do not want to be prejudged as a whole, I will not prejudge their hearts. Prove to me you are not worth my tolerance.

I choose not to eat at Chik-fil-A because its CEO has made it perfectly clear that he thinks same-sex marriage will destroy families and the company has donated millions to anti-gay groups working against our rights. I choose not to shop at Hobby Lobby because the company is suing the government to not have to provide health care coverage for contraceptives, and because each July 4 since 2008 they’ve run full-page newspaper ads espousing the need for religion in the government (this year’s included pointed condemnation of Supreme Court judges as a result of the DOMA and Prop. 8 decisions). I choose not to see “Ender’s Game” because its writer Orson Scott Card actively supported an aggressively anti-gay agenda for years including his self-penned belief that marriage equality “marks the end of democracy in America,” and also sounds more than a little accidentally racist. Not that being accidentally racist is a thing, Brad Paisley.

And I choose to laugh my ass off at that decrepit relic of bigotry Pat Robertson because, you know, how could you not.

I make these choices because I believe in their core these people/organizations wish gay people ill will. They would rather we not exist altogether, but if we must exist be seen as unnatural, unworthy things.

Now, some folks may be very upset at my refusal to condemn either Rachel or Laura off hand. You are mad that they went to those churches in the first place. You are mad that they talked about their religions at all. I can see where you’re coming from. Though it should be noted that Rachel was specifically asked what projects she was working on besides “Lost Girl” in the interview in question. And so she answered accordingly.

Thing is, when we start telling people what they can and cannot say about something that matters in their lives, then how different are we than the people who tell us what we can or cannot say about ourselves? The people who tell us to keep our lives quiet and stop being so blatant and other words synonymous for “couldn’t you please just be invisible.”

I will not be invisible. But I will also not force other people to be. And if we truly are in a battle for the hearts and minds for those people and organizations that do not accept us, we will need people on our side on the inside. We need LGBT friendly Catholics and Mormons and Scientologists and Southern Baptists and everything in between. We cannot do it alone. We need allies everywhere.

Calling someone a homophobe is a powerful thing not to be taken lightly. A homophobe hates us. A homophobe fears us. A homophobe fights against us in words or actions. A homophobe thinks we truly are an abomination and wants us to be treated as such.

Certainly, one could argue that simply being a part of or participating in a church that feels we are not totally equal is in itself is an act of homophobia. It’s a thorny morale balancing act and one I myself find problematic. But life is complicated and filled with every shade of gray imaginable. Just as I choose to not support people/organizations that have a proven history of not supporting me, I also choose to see the best in people as long as I can. Guilt by association is just that.

If either woman proves herself to be truly guilty, to truly hate us in her heart of hearts, I will not hesitate to call her out. I will be deeply saddened and hurt and angry. I will be mad as fucking hell. But until that time, until they show me otherwise, I will accept their support for us at face value.

Hate can consume us, whether from others or ourselves. It’s an insidious, ugly thing that – fast or slow – corrodes our ability to feel all other emotions. I feel bad for those who have it in their hearts. I understand the white-hot rage we feel when it’s directed at us. But pick your battles, and make sure your enemies are really enemies. I may not be a person of faith, but I try to have faith in the goodness and growth of others’ hearts.

ADDENDUM:

“The issue is, and always has been, [insert thing here] promoting a [insert thing here] to an impressionable, vulnerable audience.”

“It is not intended to deprive people of any [insert thing here], but to ban the promotion of [insert thing here] among the young generation.”

The first is some of your arguments about why we should be condemning Rachel Skarsten, the second is Russian Sports Minister Vitali Mutko defending his country’s law banning gay propaganda. One comes from a place of righteous anger about a man who has made homophobic statements in the past, the other comes from a place of hateful anger about a country that is systematically quashing the rights of its LGBT people. I am not comparing the sentiments, which are of course diametrically opposed. But I am comparing the language which we use to justify our demands. If we start to sound like what we are fighting against, we’ve lost already.

The Ever Afters

Nostalgia is a powerful drug. It’s why an unexpected mention of one of your favorite childhood books – be it “Where the Red Fern Grows” or “Anne of Green Gables” or that childhood memories juggernaut “Harry Potter” – can bring up instant emotions of communal delight. And that why lesbians everywhere goes nuts when Piper Perabo tweets Lena Headey. And why every time Renee O’Connor and Lucy Lawless hug at some public event a baby dyke gets her wings. And why the photo of Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall snuggling up above probably made your heart skip a big lesbian beat. I remember seeing “But I’m a Cheerleader” in theaters some 14 years ago. Yes, FOURTEEN years ago. That movie came out in 1999, people. But I think I can still recite Natasha’s big gay cheer for Clea by heart. Like childhood memories, lesbian movies memories from our formative coming out years always tend to mean the most. Hell, I happily own a copy of “Go Fish” – terrible acting and all. And it’s often the couple – whether they end up happily ever after or not – that make the biggest impression. And that couple becomes The Couple to us. Plus we gay ladies tend to be a stubbornly loyal group – once we love you we’ll love you forever. So here’s a small taste of then & now nostalgia via some of The Couples we all love

For a lot of people Megan & Graham will be The Couple of their youth. For others it’s Rachel & Luce. For others still it’s Vivian & Cay.

Lena Headey & Piper Perabo/Rachel & Luce
Lena needs to cameo on “Covert Affairs.” I’d wish for Piper to be on “Game of Thrones,” but we all know she’d probably just die a horrible death. So, you know, let’s play it safe.

Helen Shaver & Patricia Charbonneau/Vivian & Cay
See, she stayed on that train well past the next stop.

Lucy Lawless & Renee O’Connor/Xena & Gabrielle
Could you imagine if Renee showed up on “Parks & Rec” and Ron suddenly felt strangely jealous? You’re welcome for the free story idea, writers.

Natasha Lyonne & Clea DuVall/Megan & Graham
Clearly, Clea needs to get herself sent to Litchfield. Clearly.

Right, so who it The Couple for you. And, admit it, you feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about all these imaginary happily ever afters.

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My Weekend Music

My apologies for the lack of post today. I’m preoccupied at the thought of finally, finally seeing her this weekend. Don't be too jealous, OK, kittens. I’ll keeping you in my heart in spirit the whole time.

p.s. That post I promised you on The Twitters is coming Monday Tuesday.

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