Blue Is the Warmest Scissoring

So, now that we’ve had a semi-intellectual discussion about “Blue Is the Warmest Color,” let’s talk about what we really want to talk about. The sex. Yes, it was long. Yes, it had unexpected ass play. Yes, it featured unrealistic reverse cowgirl scissoring. But you don’t have to trust me on this. Trust a bunch of other lesbians instead.

My favorite comment: “She also just ate all that spaghetti.” Yep, about right. About right.

Review: Blue Is the Warmest Color

A movie about love is always, in the end, about nothing and everything all at the same time. That apex emotion is as intangible as it is desired. You know it when you see it. Yet whether it lasts five minutes or forever, it leaves its indelible stain on your body.

So much has been written and said about “Blue Is the Warmest Color.”

Extraordinary. Exploitive. Passionate. Pretentious.

And much like the multi-faceted love, the movie is a bit of all these things. To break it down to its most base parts, this is a three-hour French film shot without a soundtrack or score that traces 10 years in the relationship between Adèle and Emma.

If that sounds like a journey you’re willing to commit to then come a little closer and let me pour you a cup of strong black coffee. If not, well, no harm no foul and please give a warm smile to the hostess as you leave.

The first thing you’ll need to know is this movie is French, so French. Nothing much happens in the framework of the narrative. No car crashes, no big explosions, no ninja attacks, no meet cutes, no unexpected twists, no artificial obstacles, no tidy endings. Nothing, that is, except for love. (Also lust, but we’ll get to that.)

The second thing you’ll need to know is regardless of the ongoing and equal parts troubling and tiresome “feud” between the actresses and the director and the graphic novel’s author, the movie ultimately lives or dies by its own merits. And in this case it lives – and breathes and cries and eats and fucks and smokes. A lot of all of those things, a lot.

The question of whether or not this is a good movie isn’t really the right question. That one is pretty easy – yes, this is a good movie. The question is whether you’ll enjoy this movie is much harder to answer.

I enjoyed this movie, but was not blown away by it in the rapturous terms that many mainstream critics have been. Perhaps the reason I don’t feel the “Oooh la la, isn’t this exceptional”-way that many (presumably straight) reviewers have is because it felt so much like real life. I don’t need to sit through a three-hour film about two women falling in love and experiencing heartbreak to tell me that a story about two women falling in love and experiencing heartbreak can be universal. Been there, you know.

There are exceptional qualities to this film including but not limited to the fact that these are 180-minutes exclusively about the emotional lives of two young women. Even more exceptional still are the performances by lead actresses Adèle Exarchopoulous (oft open-mouthed Adèle) and Léa Seydoux (initially blue-haired Emma) who are so natural and so vulnerable you lose all sense that a camera is following them. You’re just there, with them. Watching it all happen.

And when I say watching it all happen, I mean watching it ALL happen. The turn the camera on and see what happens cinéma vérité of it is inescapable. We get scene after scene of characters sitting down unremarkably for plate after plate of pasta, just as we get scenes of fully lit, uninhibited sex – the longest of which last about 6 minutes (just under 7 if you count the naked intertwined post-coital cool down). I counted for science – I am a professional, I’ll have you know.

Yes, all the eating (of food, mostly) is a metaphor for Adèle’s hunger. It’s her big brown eyes we watch most of this film through. As she goes from teenager to young woman, we see her search, find and lose that thing that finally satiates her appetite.

And speaking of appetite, how about those sex scenes? The initial one, the one getting the most press, is as far away from the standard American sex scene as you can get. This is no chaste clinch which fades to black only to reveal crumpled morning sheets, nor is it softcore sensationalism resembling horizontal calisthenics set to smooth jazz music.

I wasn’t bothered by the explicit sex, though some of it wasn’t necessarily typical of what I do in the bedroom area. (Seriously, what is everyone except actual lesbians’ obsession with scissoring?) And, yes, after a while I did think that perhaps we were watching the director’s sexual obsession instead of Adèle and Emma’s. Make no mistake, he’s a butt man.

Aside from the sex, another way this is atypical of your average movie was its presentation of the passage of time. This movie does not hold our hands when it comes to space and time. The central relationship runs from when Adele is in high school to her early 20s, but I only really know that because of the press notes and their slightly changing hairstyles. Like, at first Emma looks like a blue-haired punk and then later she looks like young Jon Bon Jovi.

In the end, I think “Blue Is the Warmest Color” is really about the mundanity of both love and heartbreak. Nothing happens, everything happens. We live and we breathe and we fuck and we eat spaghetti. C’est la vie, you know?

Marvel’s Agent of L.E.S.B.I.A.N.

Joss Whedon likes us, he really likes us. If there was any doubt that Joss is The Man, here’s your answer. A lesbian character is coming to “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” That character is out Agent Victoria Hand played by out actress Saffron Burrows. Those familiar with the S.H.I.E.L.D./Avengers comics universe will recognize Hand as she’s apparently heavily involved in H.A.M.M.E.R., the agency that takes over S.H.I.E.L.D., and a nemesis of sorts for Nick Fury. (I don’t really know, I just trust my comic guru Heather on this one.)

Who I’m more familiar with is Saffron because a) Those Cheekbones and b) The Gay. The cheekbones need no further explanation other than silent admiration and adulation. The Gay part involves her being openly bisexual and having a longterm relationship in the past with fellow actress Fiona Shaw (that’s Aunt Petunia Dursley to you, probably).

If you’re still not familiar with Saffron she was in “Deep Blue Sea” and “Troy” and “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” for that one season Jeff Goldblum was on the show.



Now, I have no idea how many episodes Saffron and her Victoria Hand will appear in. And I have no idea if her character will even mention The Gay. But I’m always happy when a canon LGBT character is introduced to primetime television. So while I’m still not in love with S.H.I.E.L.D. (I’m just not in love with any of the characters – except for Melinda May), I’ll happily tune in next week to see Agent Victoria Hand do her thing. And that she looks like Saffron Burrows, well that doesn’t hurt one bit either. In Whedon we trust.

When Naya met Demi

I’m going to be super honest, I mix Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez up in my head all the time. Which one dated Justin Bieber again? Weren’t they in a movie together? Is she the one who went to rehab? Actually, despite my frequent habit of mixing up the assorted Disneyettes, once I straighten out who she is I realized I like Demi. “Skyscraper” is a good little song and I totally sing along to “Heart Attack” in the car. And she has been refreshingly frank about her struggles with everything form bulimia to cutting and drug and alcohol abuse. All that and the girl is only 21 years old.

So when I heard she was joining “Glee” next season as Dani, a struggling NYC artist, I thought, well, that’s a pretty good casting choice. Can sing, can act (I’m guessing here, I’ve never seen “Camp Rock”). And now the Naya Rivera let news sneaks out at the MTV VMAs that Demi will play none other than Santana Lopez’s love interest next season on “Glee.” (p.s. Way to bury the lede, MTV. The headline on their story On Naya’s interview talks just about Demi joining the “Dark Side.”)

[NOTE: A couple of you said this was autoplaying. It wasn't for me when I open the page. But I turned it into a link anyway. GO HERE TO SEE THE VIDEO.]

Boom went the lesbian dynamite. OK, fine. Dammit, FINE. I’m intrigued, “Glee.” You’ve made me decide to set the DVR again for a season pass. Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in.

The evolution of my interest in the show has gone from shushing those in the room to not miss a thing to multi-tasking while it’s on in the background. Oh, that utterly forgettable Ryder kid is singing about being Catfished? Guess it’s time to reorganize the sock drawer again.

But I remain, despite my better judgment, curious about how this show where kids who sing their often boneheaded and sometimes beautiful feelings will handle the next step in Ms. Lopez’s life. Yes, I’ll always miss that rare, fleeting unicorn that was Brittana. They will always, always be special. But, like many people, we move on from our first loves – sometimes after very painful, premature endings – to find new people to fill our hearts with song. And, if we’re very lucky, the one to make it sing forever.

I have no idea what Glee & Co. has in store for Santana and Dani. I hope it’s the kind of organic, unexpected love story I know the show can do if they really try. Still, even if it’s not, there’s always laundry to fold while nice kids sing and dance on the screen.

p.s. Sandani? Dantana? Santani? Dana? Sani? Nope, not Sani – that sounds like sanitary napkin which is the worst portmanteau imagery of all time.

p.p.s. If the video auto-playing for anyone else. It is not for me, but was mentioned in the comments. Let me know and I will attempt to fix it.

Fostering our Future

The new fantastic, flashy, female-fronted shows of the season have received seemingly endless and endlessly deserving ink. We all love “Orphan Black” and “Orange Is the New Black,” like a lot a lot a lot a lot lot lot. But there’s a quieter, also deserving show of the summer that has been quietly revolutionary in its own way. And that show is “The Fosters.”

At its surface, it’s just another family drama. Big brood faces adversities large and small. Heartwarming familial love triumphs over everything. But there are also some obvious and and obviously important differences. This is a two-mama drama, a household led by two gay women who are in a committed (and now legally recognized) relationship. And this, this makes all the difference.

We humans are a visual bunch. We like to be shown, not told. We like to see what makes us different and makes us the same. In the absence of those visual and personal cues we have this terrible tendency to believe the worst in each other. Racial stereotypes. Gender stereotypes. LGBT stereotypes. Those stereotypes can breed bigotry, hatred and violence. Most of that – not all, clearly, but most – comes from ignorance. People naturally fear what they don’t know and don’t understand. So showing them, exposing them, to these things becomes even more important.

Television has always been a powerful medium for shedding light in dark places. Too often it gets used to feed us comfort and laugh tracks. But at its best it’s a mirror of our best selves. Of the world we should be seeing and need to see – a world reflecting our richness and diversity. A world where we’ve all got a place around that proverbial table. What we do once we get there, well, that’s on us. But we should all be allowed to sit together at least to start.

And that – taking the long road home – brings me back to “The Fosters.” TV has never shown us a more clear picture of lesbian parenting (sorry, Callie and Arizona – but that baby’s kind of a glorified prop) than this little ABC Family drama that could. A blended family, a multi-ethnic family, a LGBT family, a loving family – “The Fosters” is all these things, yet in the end just simply family. This is a show about a family, and while the individual components of this family may be different from yours, we all recognize its universal mission. Protect one another, support another, love one another. These are things we all understand.

So when we see two women doing these things for their family, even if on TV, it matters. It matters because it models – for those who have never seen or dreamed or realized it before – what an LGBT family looks like. That we’re no so scary, not so terrible, not so other. To quote little Scout Finch, “I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks.”

Of course, all of this modeling wouldn’t mean much if the show itself wasn’t so very solid. If you didn’t tear up at least once – something in my eye, it was something in my eye, dammit – during its 10-episode summer run then I attribute it to severe dehydration and recommend you drink more fluids immediately. Some shows just try too hard (cough, “The New Normal,” cough) to show the new LGBT family. But “The Fosters” didn’t have to strain to make us believe, it just got down to the business of showing us.

Whether it was how a lesbian family handles parenting alongside one of the children’s birth father or deals with embarrassment from another child about being nontraditional, the situations – and how they handled them – felt organic. This show could have easily been like an After School Special of the Week. But instead it made the mundane extraordinary. Parents, families, deal with the silly to the life-threatening and for the most part all they have is humor, grit and that all-important glue of love to get through them.

Lena and Stef, along the way, became TV’s first legally married LGBT couple since the Supreme Court overturned Prop. 8 and DOMA in the summer season finale on Monday. And in doing so showed people on the most basic level how what happens in Washington D.C. matters in the living rooms of everyday Americans across this county. Elections have consequences. Legal rulings change lives. Lena and Stef can get married and the government will recognize them as such. And, better yet, we’re happy it does – we’re happy for them.

In the end, “The Fosters” worked because we could always feel the love. It never waivers, and shone through every possible obstacle. Seeing truly is believing. I sure can’t wait to see them again in January.

Orange Is the New Obsession

Over the weekend, like almost every other lesbian, I binge watched “Orange Is the New Black.” I did this because I physically could not stop watching. After seeing just the first episode it became an imperative need to immediately consumer the entire first season. If it hadn’t been for the pesky need to sleep, eat, bathe and make a living I would have watched all 13 episodes in one sitting.

I don’t know what else I can lend to the already rousing chorus of praise for Netflix’s newest offering. The series, about an upper-crust white woman’s immersion into the at times harrowing, at times hilarious world of incarceration in a federal women’s prison is magnificent. Words like “rich,” “complex,” “layered” simply cannot be overused here. From the acting to the writing to the casting it’s practically perfect. The ability to both warm and break one’s heart, sometimes in the same episode – fuck sometimes in the same scene – is one not many shows can master.

But here is a show that is able to lay bare some of the things we try not to talk about in polite society – white privilege, racial separatism, cultural elitism, religious fundamentalism, how to make shower flip-flops out of maxi pads. And it does it all with one of the most diverse casts on televisions. (Yes, I know, some take issue with a show with great diversity being set in a prison – but statistics will show that’s the shitty, shitty truth of our shitty, shitty justice system). I love how almost all of the women get a chance to tell their stories. How they got there, why they got there. Who they were, who they want to be. Nothing in “Orange Is the New Black” smacks of tokenism (well, mustachioed men might have a legitimate gripe – you guys are simply awful in this show).

And we haven’t even gotten to the lesbianism, which believe you me is front and center and glorious. The sexual spectrum, including trans stories, is handled deftly. Again, it’s not done for show, it’s done for authenticity. Sometimes gay women go to prison, sometimes women who had a same-sex relationship 10 years ago go to prison. And sometimes those same women run into their exes from 10 years ago at that same prison. And you thought your ex-relationship was complicated. Amateurs.

Still if none of that manages to convince you this show is indeed worth 13-hours of your life, there’s also the delightful game of “How Do I Know Her?” you can play throughout. Hey, where do I know that prison cook Red from? Fuck, that’s Captain Janeway/Kate Mulgrew! Hm, that hippie yoga instructor’s voice sure sounds familiar. Wait, it’s Evelyn Couch’s friend from the vagina workshop in “Fried Green Tomatoes.” Man, I know I’ve seen that meth mouth Tiffany before. Shit, she was Britney’s BFF in “Crossroads” (I’m told, I proudly have not seen that movie). And there’s also Natasha Lyonne and Lea DeLaria and Laura Prepon. Sweet fancy Moses, there is Laura Prepon and her irresistible, inevitable bespectacled swagger. I’d go to prison just to watch her take her glasses on and off. I mean it.

In conclusion, the sleep deprivation is totally worth it. Orange is better than the new black. It’s your new TV obsession.

p.s. Isn’t Regina Spektor’s theme song “You’ve Got Time“ just fucking perfect? Also, I can’t stop humming it.

p.p.s. SPOILERS SPOILER SPOILERS SPOILERS: Can you believe they ended the season like that? Holy fuckity fuck. But seriously, she is fucked. Or at the very least doing more time. Fuck. Hurry up, Season 2.

p.p.p.s. MORE SPOILERS: I fluctuated for a while between feeling sorry and annoyed for Larry. But then he exploited her experiences for his career, without even asking full permission first, he became insufferable. So, hope your NPR tote is really useful in hell, Larry.

Prison blues (and oranges)

I have a confession to make. A real, honest to goodness confession that may or may not have a direct impact on my lesbian street cred from here on out. Are you ready? OK. I haven’t watched much of the women in prison genre. Gosh, just admitting it makes me feel lighter. I’ve never seen “Chained Heat” or “Caged Fury” or “Girls in Prison” (even though the latter had both Ione Skye and Anne Heche). Nor did I watch “Bad Girls,” despite the repeated berating of my nearest and dearest friends whose pop culture taste I trust absolutely.

In fact I think the only women in prison-genre film I’ve seen is “Stranger Inside,” a 2001 HBO movie offering from out filmmaker Cheryl Dunye. And I watched that just for the lezzy scenes. As I recall, if I can recall a dozen years ago, it was good stuff. Gritty. Hot. Poignant. Hot. Wait, why haven’t I watched more of the women in prison genre?

But now, I have a chance to make up for it. There are not one, but two new series to enjoy with ladies behind bars. The first is “Orange is the New Black,” a new series debuting today on Netflix. From the creator of “Weeds,” the story follows a woman who ends up in prison 10 years after becoming a drug mule for her then girlfriend/international drug trafficker. It’s based on a true story and features bisexual, lesbian and trans women characters. It looks dark and funny and dark and funny some more.



I can’t wait to get home tonight and start watching.

But then there’s also “Wentworth.” The Australian drama and remake of the 80s Aussie soap “Prisoner.” It’s been compared to “Breaking Bad,” which I also don’t watch. But I know people love it. And there’s also lezzy stuff because women’s prison, yo.



Is it just me or does the older woman remind you of prison Martha Stewart. Wait, is that redundant?

I’m not sure my delicate, law-abiding sensibilities can watch two women in prison shows simultaneously. But I do know prison jumpsuits never looked so appealing.

All roads lead to lesbianism

While my Pride Month Lesbian Movie Rewind Experience 2013 has ended – finished it off with “Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement,” appropriately, last week. (You can stream it yourself on Netflix or Wolfe.) But the amusing discoveries from the LMRE 2013 continue. Like, did you know a lot of now-famous faces made some of their very first appearances in lesbian movies? Rewatching some of the recent (and less recent) lesbian cinema classics reveal some very special guest starts before they were very special. A sampling of leztastic cameos:

Emily VanCamp in “Lost & Delirious”

Before she sought her “Revenge,” Emily was Tori’s annoying sister, Allison, who really needs to learn how to knock first.

Jeffrey Tambor in “Desert Hearts”

Before he was the Bluth family patriarch on “Arrested Development,” Jeffrey worked at the ranch Prof. Vivian Bell came to stay during her quickie divorce.

Dale Dickey in “The Incredibly True Adventures of 2 Girls in Love”

Before she was the wolfie grandma of Alcide’s new pack on “True Blood,” Dale was Randy Dean’s coworker at the gas station.

Benedict Cumberbatch in “Tipping the Velvet”

Before he was the all-knowing, all-deducing Sherlock Holmes, Benedict wasn’t able to see or deduce that his so-called girlfriend Nan Austin was a total lezzer.

Rashida Jones in “If These Walls Could Talk 2”

Before she was beautiful tropical fish Ann Perkins on “Parks & Recreation,” Rashida was one of the “unnamed angry feminists” who didn’t want the lesbians to mess up their fight for women’s rights.

Christopher Meloni in “Bound”

Before he was Det. Stabler on “Law & Order,” Chris was the dim-witted son of the mob boss.

Mila Kunis in “Gia

Before she was the imaginary “Black Swan,” Mila was a young Angelina.

Idina Menzel in “Kissing Jessica Stein”

Before she was “Wicked,” Idina was an overly happy bridesmaid.

See all roads (to fame) really do lead back to lesbianism.

Foster the people

When I first heard about a new ABC Family show with two moms and rainbow tapestry of a blended household I wasn’t sure what to expect. Politically correct afterschool special? Womanhood sisterfire kumbaya drum circle? Jennifer Lopez dance montage retrospective? But this story of two women raising their three children – one biological to one of the mothers and twins adopted from the foster system – who bring in a new troubled teenage girl is more than the demographically engineered sum of its parts. It is, quite simply, good. (For a more thorough and verbose analysis, check out my full review on AfterEllen.)

What makes it is good is that it feels so solid right from the start. It’s particularly solid in the things that usually take time – family dynamic, unspoken chemistry, ease of togetherness. This show from Jenny from the Block seems like real people could live around the block. And in a wonderfully, understated way it turns Norman Rockwell’s quintessential American portrait inside out and upside down while still retaining their essential ideal of everyday exemplariness. Like I said, it’s good.

For all our rightful demands for more and better representation of LGBT people in our culture, it’s also important to celebrate the goods stuff. Right now we’re lucky to have well-drawn portraits of gay women in ridiculously diverse walks of life our teevees. A gay teenagers being chased by murderous stalkers. A gay succubi and her scientist lover. Gay clone and her French scientist lover. And we haven’t even mentioned the surgeons, bomb girls, private investigators, former cheerleaders and all the rest. So here’s to The Fosters, a welcome addition to the pantheon of gay ladies. There’s always room for two more hot mamas.

Lesbian Code

While I spend every free moment today obsessing over what exactly happened and how to exactly to write about last night’s big “Lost Girl” season finale (p.s. Don’t worry, Syfy viewers, you’ll get your show in a week), I thought it might be fun to flash back to a time when same-sex attraction among women wasn’t allowed to be shown on the big screen (and before small screens were in nearly every home yet). During the Production Code era starting in 1934, homosexuality was among the many banned themes from our motion pictures. The Hays code would not allow anything that would supposedly “lower the moral standards of those who see it.” That included showing nudity, profanity, men and women in bed together, sexual relationships between the races, ridicule of the clergy, “lustful kissing” and the sexual perversion of us gays. Of course, sneaky types still managed to slip The Gay onto the screen. But it had to be in the form of a public service film showing the evils of our ways. Like the 1938 film “Sex Madness” which told all about the horrors of syphilis. It managed to slip in warnings about premarital sex and lesbianism as a bonus. Though, I don’t know. Seeing Betty hit on Peggy while talking about going to see a burlesque show together is kinda hilariously hot. Girl’s just trying to get a date. Ain’t no shame in that game.

Sweet lady drunken hookups

Drunken hot girl-on-girl hookups just in time for sweeps week. Sweeeeet. For my SEO, I mean. For us, the viewers? Well, let’s talk about it. So, yes, Quinn and Santana totally did it. Like drunken squeals, naked limbs, tousled hair did it. Like this is what happens when collegiate sexual curiosity meets and an ex dancing within feet of you with some dude who does a terrible Sean Connery impersonation and is mixed liberally with fake IDs and an open bar. And, to be honest, I didn’t really mind it.

And, as long as we’re being honest, we really like it when girls hook up. Don’t lie. We like it. We dream about it. We root for it. We petition for it. We create elaborate fandoms built around it. We really, really like it. Just like you always want the cute girl you just met to be gay, or the celebrity you love to be gay, we want the characters we like to be gay – and gay for each other. We crave having our experiences reflected back to us, for other people to be like us, even if just on screen. So, Quinn and Santana hooking up with was, in concept, A-OK by me. Also, Santana’s exuberant cheer at the prospect of getting to know the last member of the Unholy Trinity in a biblical sense was pretty damn priceless.

The question then is whether Quinn and Santana hooking up in action was A-OK. And, it was and it wasn’t. Was the way their mutual bonding, drunken flirting and ultimate exploration played out realistically? Yes, yes it very much was. Since we’re on that honesty train, there’s a reason they call alcohol a social lubricant. If you haven’t had a drunken hook-up, it’s probably only because you’ve never been drunk. Which is of course fine. But liquid courage is real thing and mutually enjoyed by both the straight girls who need a reason to drop their inhibitions (along with their drawers) and the gay gals who need a reason to not care that the girls are straight. And Quinn and Satnana have a real history and a real connection that dates back to the first season of the show. They are indeed two ends of the same bitch-goddess spectrum. So, yes, in execution the Great Quintanna Explosion felt authentic.

But then there’s that bit about how it wasn’t. Because as amazing as seeing their post coital bliss and epic sex hair, I wish we weren’t seeing them for sweeps week. Timing, along with size, matters. Look, I’m glad in the great music chairs game of couplehood that is “Glee,” the Valentine’s Day episode gave us four couples bound for the bedroom and half of them were gay. But I’m less happy that the it has to happen on one of the few period a year that TV networks try to pump up ratings to be able to maximize ad rates. The Lesbian Sweeps Kiss has a long and frustrating history stretching form “LA Law” to “Friends” to “Party of Five” to the “The O.C.” to “Heroes” and I could go on.

While the execution on screen doesn’t necessarily scream Sweeps Lesbianism, it none the less falls into the category. And that’s disappointing. Because it is precisely these kinds of unexpected moments that can be the most exciting for us. When we see our own life amplified. Like when a show about a bunch of singing and dancing teenagers in twenthysomething bodies opens up with two cheerleaders talking about sweet lady kisses on top of each other in bed at the beginning of October for no reason other than it just felt right.

p.s. Though, nice touch with Quinn’s badly needed swig of water. ‘Cause a girl can get mighty parched while getting mighty wet. Ahem.

Foster the future

I never thought I’d say this and mean it so sincerely but, thank you, Jenny from the Block. Because I don’t care about the rocks that she’s got, I just care that Jennifer Lopez is producing a new drama for ABC Family that centers around a gay female couple raising a large multi-ethnic family. The show is “The Fosters” and the moms are Teri Polo (from Meet the Parents) and Sherri Saum (from In Treatment). They play police officer Stef Foster and school principal Lena Foster, respectively and their kids will be played by young actors from “Wizards of Waverly Place,” “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” and “Aaron Stone.” I’ve never watched any of those shows but if Tumblr is to be believed folks seem pretty excited about the Waverly Place kid. The newest addition to the family will be a “troubled teen with an abusive past” Callie, played by newcomer Maia Mitchell. She’s the one in the photo who looks like she hates ever second of being in that subway tiled kitchen with its vintage Fiesta wear.

Lots of things make me happy about this news, not the least of which is Teri Polo is wearing her cop uniform in all the pictures. But mostly the fact that this is the first show to center around two moms (and a mixed race couple at that) raising a family is pretty amazing. Granted, it bites at the heels of the pregnant lesbian cliché which we see around sweeps week when writers don’t know what to do with the lesbian characters once they’re done playing softball. But these aren’t women trying to become mothers. These are women who have are raising their teens and tweens and that’s pretty cool. The show was created and being written by two men (one with a pedigree including Queer as Folk), which, fine – I would have preferred female showrunners too, but you can’t have everything I guess. The show goes in production this spring and will begin airing in the summer.

“The Fosters” adds to ABC Family’s inclusive roster, which already include “Pretty Little Liars.” Strange but thankfully true, the channel that began as an extension of ultraconservative homophobe Pat Robertson’s Christian television ministry (yes, really, it really fucking did, is poised to become one of the most diverse channels on TV and help expands our public definition of family.

Also, Teri and Sherri make a really cute couple. I’d join the PTA for them.

Foster to the future

Could lesbians finally have more to be thankful for from Jennifer Lopez than her sizeable, um, talents? Turns out, maybe. Jenny from the Block is producing a new one-hour family drama centered around a mixed-race lesbian couple. Let me repeat that, a one-hour family drama centered around a mixed-race lesbian couple. One more time? Still think you fell down, hit your head and woke up in a utopian society where mixed-race lesbian couples get to star in their own primetime TV shows? Nope, it’s real and in development with ABC Family.

In fact the series, called “The Fosters,” has just cast its lead couple. Former “The West Wing” star Teri Polo and “Rescue Me” alum Sherri Saum will play Stef and Lena Foster. Together they have a biological son as well as several adopted children. Teri will play Stef, a “tough but kind” police officer. Sherri will play Lena, a big-hearted school principal.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, their lives get complicated when they decided to take in Callie, a troubled teen with an abusive past. Callie’s “disruptive ways threaten to turn the Fosters’ lives upside down.”

Now this concept is interesting for a number of reasons, none the least of which is the fact that TV currently does not have any scripted shows centered around a lesbian character, let alone a lesbian couple, let alone a mixed-race lesbian couple. Sure, there are lesbian characters in major roles on TV. But none are central. In fact the only show built around a gay woman on TV right now is “Lost Girl,” which centers around everyone’s favorite bisexual succubus.

The uniqueness of the characters is matched by the uniqueness of their storyline. On most shows with gay lead characters, their gayness is the story. Think about it. “The New Normal” – the fact that they are going to be gay dads is the story. “Partners” – the fact that one roommate is gay and one roommate is straight is the story. “Glee” – everything is basically gay even the straight folks.

But on “The Fosters,” if the plotline holds, the fact that the lead couple is gay is not the central issue. The fact that they’ve adopted a troubled teenage girl is the central issue. And that’s a big difference for a gay leading character.

Alyssa Rosenberg over at Think Progress wrote a winding, interesting piece last week about the role of homophobia in modern stories about gay culture. Make no mistake, homophobia still exists and is still a powerful and important story for us to tell. But she argues that limiting our stories to those that revolve around our gayness as the central problem in our lives is – well – awfully limiting. And it’s true.

When we argue for our rightful equality, our argument usually boils down to this: We are the same. We are like you. So we deserve the same rights. But too often when we are portrayed it is our gayness that is our most predominant characteristic, and often our most problematic one. Not that we have unfulfilled dreams. Not that we have trouble getting the kids potty trained. Not that we have fights with our partners about the garbage.

Which is what give me hope for “The Fosters.” If it pans out, this could be a show where the gay characters get to be gloriously gay, but also everything else that makes being a human being so glorious and sometimes not so glorious. Fingers crossed. If JLo pulls this off I might even forgive her for those ridiculous Fiat ads. Maybe.

Fall of lesbians

Hey, in case you hadn’t noticed, it’s fall. I don’t mean the weather necessarily – though I did grab my hoodie to take the garbage out last night. I mean on your teevee, where it really matters. Yes, the fall TV season has begun and, yes, Virginia, there are a few new lesbians. Sure, many of our favorite fictional lesbian and bisexual women are also coming back – Callie, Arizona, Santana, Brittany, Emily, Paige, Kalinda. I could go on, but there aren’t that many more, sadly. But not to those happy few will be a few more.

p.s. Yes, that’s who you think it is in the picture. Yes, get excited!

Julie White as Anne, Go On, NBC, Tuesdays

Sure, no one is particularly thrilled about another Angry Lesbian character. Well, unless she’s played by the hilarious Julie White.

Lauren German as Leslie, Chicago Fire, NBC, Oct. 10

A lesbian EMT. In a tank top. I’m in.

Kelly McCreary as Tyra, Emily Owens M.D, CW, Oct. 16

She plays gay lady doctor which worked out for Olivia Wilde.

Leisha Hailey & Constance Zimmer as the wonderful eloquent lesbian couple, The New Normal, NBC, Tuesdays

When I first heard that Ryan Murphy had promised us a “wonderful eloquent lesbian couple” on the show my fight or flight instincts flaring up. Then I heard Leisha Hailey was one of the lesbians. And I wanted to hug everyone in the world instead.
All is forgiven, Ryan Murphy*.

So far, I’ve got to hand it to NBC. Two lesbians in hand and two more in the – yes, I’m totally going there – bush. What shows seem to be tickling your remote control areas this season?

*Not really.