Something Compares 2 This

In the past two months I’ve thought more about Miley Cyrus than I ever thought I’d think about Miley Cyrus in my entire life. It’s not that I ever had anything against Miley Cyrus in the past, or for her either for that matter. It’s just that she wasn’t in either my age or interest bracket. But now, of course, she’s everywhere. And people are saying everything about her. And it makes me think. All this chatter and clucking about a young woman and how she presents herself. Haven’t we been here before? Haven’t we had this conversation before?

If it wasn’t Miley, it was Madonna. And then Britney. And let’s get back into our way back machines and say – oh, I don’t know – Cher? Sure the specifics may be a little different. One humps a stage in a wedding dress while singing about virginity and another French kisses a sledgehammer while singing about breakups. But the tenor of the conversation is the same. Look at this poor, misguided, crazy, ultimately “slutty” young woman. Tsk-tsk.

Now, I don’t condone tongue-kissing construction equipment or twerking against men dressed like Beetlejuice nearly twice your age. But I don’t find either all that scandalous, really. I thought Miley’s MTV VMA performance was a mess, because artistically it was a mess. Foam fingers and giant teddy bears aren’t exactly Tchaikovsky’s “Swan Lake.” And I thought her photoshoot with fashion’s resident pornographer Terry Richardson was predictably gross. Seriously, why do people keep posing for that dirty old man?

Then there was the “feud” with Sinead O’Connor, because you aren’t truly a notorious celebrity until you’re involved in a celebrity feud. I have always loved Sinead, and I liked a lot of what Sinead had to say about not allowing the industry to use your body to make itself rich. But I also disagreed with her assertion that women should only show their bodies in private. And it’s here where I started to think, really think, about Miley Cyrus. This question of what is proper and what isn’t proper for young women’s bodies is at the heart of all of this.

I believe women’s bodies should not be used as sexually objectified to sell everything from burgers to cars. But I also believe women have the right to use their bodies how they please. The key is choice, power and intent.

A woman shouldn’t have to take her clothes off to sell a record or a movie or herself. But if a woman wants to take her clothes off to express herself – well, go crazy, girl. What I find interesting is how a woman taking off her clothes can still get our tongues wagging. We’ve all seen it before. Hell, we’ve all probably seen pop star ass cheek in the last few minutes. If it isn’t Miley it’s Rihanna or Ke$ha or Lady Gaga.

How is any of this still scandalous? It’s more interesting at this point when people keep their clothes on, quite frankly. But I’m also not in the business of shaming those who take them off. I super, duper appreciate naked ladies. Because, duh, The Gay. Still it’s a balancing act made even harder by the inherent imbalance in representations of the female and male bodies. Men’s bodies simply aren’t used as currency as women’s are, nor are we nearly as accustomed to seeing them naked in popular culture. If they were these questions of choice and power and intent would be much clearer.

But back to Miley being Miley. If this, this chronic state of sticking ones tongue out and showing off ones labia majora, is really the expression of her inner self then I’m happy for her. We all grow up. Hannah Montana was just a fucking TV character. Get over it. But there’s always that creeping suspicion that this transparent drive to abandon her Disney days is fueled by our inescapable cultural obsession with the commodification of female sexuality. I suspect, in the end like so much in life, it’s a mix of both. And I suspect she doesn’t fully know which is which at this point.

What I do know is I like both “Wrecking Ball” and “Nothing Compares 2 U.” And, surprisingly, the now viral mashup of the two songs is strangely sublime. My enjoyment of these songs has nothing to do with what the women are or aren’t wearing in their videos. I simply like the music.

Stop This

I’m back from vacation. Yet our federal government remains shutdown. I actually ran into some shutdown services while vacationing. For me, they were nothing more than inconveniences. Though, man, am I glad we decided to go to the coast instead of Yosemite this trip. But for others the shutdown is a very real hardship. Funding for WIC nutrition program has dried up, meaning women and children who rely on the government assistance are going hungry. Funding for the National Institute of Health has stopped accepting new patients and conducting clinical trials on potentially life-saving treatments. Funding for our national parks has stopped, which means all of our national parks – including Yosemite – and monuments are closed. No EPA food checks, no federal small business loans, no NASA research and no paychecks for some 800,000 “non-essential” federal employees. I could go on.

Why? All because the Republican Party is throwing a temper tantrum about Obamacare. Something that was passed by both the House and Senate and signed into law. Don’t like a democratically approved law? Then try to repeal it through proper channels. Don’t hold the entire country hostage with the threat of not funding it and shutting down the government and possibly sending us into default by not raising the debt limit meanwhile costing us hundreds of millions a day and possibly billions before this whole power play is over. Oh, and all those representatives refusing to do their jobs? They’re still getting their paychecks while others suffer. It’s so fucking frustrating.

But as they say, if we don’t laugh we cry. So please enjoy Miley Cyrus’ dead-accurate “We Can’t Stop” parody. It’s beyond creepy and you’ll never get that image of professional Oompa Loompa John Boehner twerking in a white cut-out leotard bodysuit out of your head.

Naked Lady Monday: VMA Edition

With each passing year I get more, “You kids get off my lawn!” about the MTV VMAs. So much noise, posturing and bright lights. And I know this year everyone wants to talk about Miley Cyrus and her tongue, teddy bears and twerking on some Footlocker employee who wandered onstage. (True Fact: If you say Beetlejuice three times Robin Thicke appears to have Miley grind on him.) While I, like everyone else, have the tendency to shake my head at Hannah Montana’s current shenanigans, I also don’t think there’s anything particularly new and/or scandalous about female pop stars going through a look-at-me-I’m-so-raunchy phase and/or career. Please see Madonna, Christina Aguilera, Rihanna et al. To quote the lady herself, “It’s our body we can do what we want to.” It’s not the end of the civilized world as we know it. Though, honey, those flesh-tone bikini bottoms are doing no one any favors.



But what I’d rather talk about is the fact that Lady Gaga sold her new single “Applause” to the Kia hamsters. What the what? Look, I understand everyone needs to make a buck. I have no problem with blatant commercialism. This is America and capitalism is our only one true religion. But if you’re going to shill for some dancing rodents, please don’t name your album “ARTPOP” and expect us to take it seriously. Though, in her defense, “Applause” is the best damn anthem for Tinkerbell that anyone has ever written.



Also, just to make sure my Gay Card gets renewed (I mean, even Obama acknowledged Gaga as our fearless leader), the Lady does have the most amazing ass. Sure, that seashell underwear was probably uncomfortable. But at least it gave us this. Now that is dedication to one’s art.