Kids say the darnedest things

Aw, kids. I don’t want any. But sometimes when I hear them speak I feel a little less worried about our future. Sometimes not. But today, yes. Also, my favorite comment was, “Isn’t it dangerous to stand on a bus?”

p.s. This was posted less than a week ago and there’s already a small correction. Now there are 15 states (well, as soon as the Illinois governor signs the bill, which he will) with full marriage equality.

Golden Love

So you’ve probably already seen this video. But if you haven’t, or you just like to rewatch ladies share loving kisses after winning gold medals, please enjoy. Or if you still have lingering warm fuzzy feelings about “The Cutting Edge,” but wish D.B. Sweeney stood for Danielle Bernard instead, this is the video for you. I’m still torn about what to do when the Sochi Olympics roll around. But I am not torn about how terrible the anti-LGBT laws in Russia are.

In a week when we had a victory in the Senate (vote coming on ENDA, though the House continues to be The Worst) and in Illinois (about to become No. 15 for marriage equality), we must not forget that the fight continues on all fronts and across all borders.

Get on the Love Bus

The secret about me is I am, deep down, a softie. And I love watching a good marriage proposal because who doesn’t like to have their little hearts grow three sizes in a day? This one has been making the rounds this week and gets points for the creative use of a bus and romantic use of Mumford & Sons* The Lumineers. It’s still a wonder to me that marriage equality is legal in so many states, including Washington – where this couple lives – and my own state. And, it seems we’re poised for even more (fingers crossed) victories in coming weeks. Which means, you guessed it, more wedding proposals for me to watch. Now I call that a win-win. Enjoy.

*Mixed up my old-timey, folk-rock hipster bands.

Stop This

I’m back from vacation. Yet our federal government remains shutdown. I actually ran into some shutdown services while vacationing. For me, they were nothing more than inconveniences. Though, man, am I glad we decided to go to the coast instead of Yosemite this trip. But for others the shutdown is a very real hardship. Funding for WIC nutrition program has dried up, meaning women and children who rely on the government assistance are going hungry. Funding for the National Institute of Health has stopped accepting new patients and conducting clinical trials on potentially life-saving treatments. Funding for our national parks has stopped, which means all of our national parks – including Yosemite – and monuments are closed. No EPA food checks, no federal small business loans, no NASA research and no paychecks for some 800,000 “non-essential” federal employees. I could go on.

Why? All because the Republican Party is throwing a temper tantrum about Obamacare. Something that was passed by both the House and Senate and signed into law. Don’t like a democratically approved law? Then try to repeal it through proper channels. Don’t hold the entire country hostage with the threat of not funding it and shutting down the government and possibly sending us into default by not raising the debt limit meanwhile costing us hundreds of millions a day and possibly billions before this whole power play is over. Oh, and all those representatives refusing to do their jobs? They’re still getting their paychecks while others suffer. It’s so fucking frustrating.

But as they say, if we don’t laugh we cry. So please enjoy Miley Cyrus’ dead-accurate “We Can’t Stop” parody. It’s beyond creepy and you’ll never get that image of professional Oompa Loompa John Boehner twerking in a white cut-out leotard bodysuit out of your head.

You down with R.B.G.

It’s badass ladies of a certain age week here at Surrenders. So it’s already a true fact that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is a certified badass. The 80-year-old (R.B.G. if you’re nasty) has been on the highest bench in the land for 20 years and in that time she has been a champion of women’s rights, abortion rights, gay rights and voting rights. If you recall, she asked the epic question during the DOMA hearings about skim milk marriage:

They (the 1,000-plus benefits offered to married couples under federal law) touch every aspect of life. Your partner is sick. Social Security. I mean, it's pervasive. It's not as though, well, there's this little federal sphere and it's only a tax question. ... And so he was really diminishing what the state has said is marriage. You’re saying, no, state marriage [is] the full marriage, and then this sort of skim milk marriage.

And she was, of course, among the majority who overturned DOMA and found the Prop. 8 proponents did not have the standing to bring the case and essentially overturning the proposition as well. And this weekend she became the first Supreme Court Justice to officiate a same-sex marriage. On Saturday she presided over the wedding of Kennedy Center President Michael M. Kaiser and economist John Roberts. Factoid: R.B.G is a huge fan of opera and close friends with Kaiser. Another Factoid: R.B.G. will be conducting another same-sex wedding this month. Counter Factoid: Justice Clarence Thomas performed (one of) the weddings of radio windbag Rush Limbaugh. Yeah, now you’re even more down with R.B.G.



Also, you’ve got to love the snarky precision of some of her arguments. In writing the dissenting opinion of the Court’s gutting of the Voting Rights Act she wrote:

Throwing out preclearance when it has worked and is continuing to work to stop discriminatory changes is like throwing away your umbrella in a rainstorm because you are not getting wet.

And when asked a couple of years ago how many women on the Supreme Court would be enough, she answered – naturally - nine:

Also, have I mentioned she beat cancer twice, has a penchant for lace gloves and has her own dedicated Tumblr blog called – what else – Notorious R.B.G.

For Russia, With Hope

How do we solve a problem like Russia’s treatment of gays? The recent wave of political and physical violence against LGBT rights and people simply cannot be ignored. At a time when many other parts of the world are starting to finally embrace us fully as equal and worthy, Russia is going backwards with angry fists flying.

- Gay Pride parade banned in Russia for 100 years.
- Law against foreign LGBT couples adopting Russian children.
- Law against spreading “gay propaganda” to minors, effectively making it illegal to call same-sex and straight relationships equal.
- Anti-gay violence and attacks on the rise, including the targeting, torture and humiliation of gays online via social media.

Over the summer almost every attempt to hold peaceful Pride Parades or rallies have ended in violence, arrests and blood. It’s not pretty and it’s very real.

So now the question become, how does the LGBT community and its allies best protest these atrocities? How do we get this to stop? It’s not an easy question and there are no easy answers. It will all come to a head this winter when the Olympic Games come to Sochi, Russia. LGBT athletes and spectators will show up in a country that decidedly does not want them there. And us fans at home must decide how watching them in a backdrop filled with such hate.

So far, response has been varied. Some say boycott the Sochi Olympics. Others say don’t boycott the Sochi Olympics. Some say boycott Russian vodka. Others say don’t boycott Russian vodka. And Lady Gaga tweeted. Boycotts, backlashes and Gaga, oh my.

The truth is, there’s no one right way to make change. Boycotting the Olympics hurts the athletes who train a lifetime for their chance at glory. Boycotting Stoli hurts a company that has been incredibly LGBT friendly over its history. Not boycotting either sends a message of passive acceptance. Perhaps letting the Olympics proceed, but reporting on its human rights violations is the answer. Or drinking Stoli, yet pressuring its owners to put pressure on its mother country is the answer. More likely, all kinds of combinations of all kinds of responses, while always pressing for change, is the ultimate answer. What I know is we can’t stop talking about it, we can’t stop exposing it for what it is, we can’t stop supporting the brave LGBT people and allies in Russia who are facing jail, beatings and even death fighting for their rights. So I guess the only answer that isn’t an option is to close our eyes.

It's Pat (Unlike)

Thank heavens for Pat Robertson. That old windbag of a wingnut who is fond of blaming gays for causing everything from terrorist attacks to earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor (Need an instant Michael Bay movie? Just add gays!), is at it again. This time, he’s talking about this crazy newfangled thing where someone “switches on likes in Facebooks.” And what if one of those pictures people are switch on the likes for happens to be of a couple of same-sex guys kissing, what should you do? Tell us, Pat, tell us.

Pat: “To me I would punch vomit, not like.” [BIG LAUGH]

See, don’t old-school bigots like that almost make you smile? I mean, that’s some grade school-worthy taunting right there, Pat. Gays make you totally want to barf. Ha ha! Get it? Gross and cooties and yucky. Vomit.

Here’s the thing about decrepit fossils like Pat. They’re our best reminder of how terrible and terribly wrong the other side really is. And, as more and more minds and hearts are opened everyday, they’re their own worst enemy. Despite the best efforts of the Pat Robertsons of the world we’re becoming – both in public opinion and our laws – a more accepting country. Polls show a majority of Americans now support marriage equality. Public figures – actors, politicians, athletes and the like – who use homophobic slurs get roundly criticized and apologize profusely. Granted, we’re nowhere near ending all homophobia and worse yet violence against LGBT community members. But it’s being exposed for what it is. Ugly. Hateful. Ridiculous. Laughable.

Whenever old Pat opens his mouth to say something willfully ignorant and unapologetically hurtful, I think of the little TV station he started in 1977 called the Christian Broadcasting Network. He used it to spout his crazy there on the “700 Club,” and still does contractually (thanks News Corp, another thing you fucked up for us) in the morning, night and wee hours. But today that channel is called ABC Family and not owned by Pat, but Disney (by way first of News Corp. who made the deal to keep airing the “700 Club”). And today that channel has some of – hands down – the most inclusive programming featuring in the past and present some 20 LGBT characters including shows like “Pretty Little Liars,” “The Fosters,” “Secret Life of the American Teenager,” “Switched at Birth,” “Greek” and “Make It or Break It.”

So maybe we should thank old Pat for exposing the world to his stupidity and hate and in doing so making it exactly what he doesn’t want – a better and more equal place for everyone else.

Not another silly love song

Nine months after I first heard this song, and I still get a catch in my throat when it comes on. Nine months after I first heard this song, and the world is a different, more equal place. Nine months after I first heard this song, and it’s finally a Top 20 hit. The slow-burn to wildfire of trajectory of “Same Love” by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (featuring the lovely and out Mary Lambert) has mirrored the fight for marriage equality in the past decade. Starts slowly, gains momentum, achieves critical mass, and finally is a bona fide success. Clearly, the single’s timeline was radically condensed compared to marriage equality’s struggle (posted on YouTube on Oct. 2, 2012 and climbed to No. 16 on the Billboard Hot 100 July 3, 2013 versus first state legalizes it in 2004 and Supreme Court declares DOMA unconstitutional in 2013). And, of course, neither had yet made it all the way to their ultimate goal (that being to No. 1 and in all 50 states, respectively). But I sure have high hopes for both. No freedom till we’re equal, damn right, I support it.

One Woman Army

After a weekend of revelry, comes reflection. There’s so much fight left – not just for marriage equality, but for all of the fights. The fight for our basic voting rights (oh, hadn’t you heard, racism is over according to the Supreme Court) and for our right to control our own bodies (oh, hadn’t you heard, men know what’s best for women according to men) continues. But never let it be said that one woman cannot make a difference.

Davis’ epic 12 and a half hour filibuster, and stirring people’s filibuster that followed, was one of the clearest demonstrations of the citizenship’s ability to speak truth to power. The hundreds in the Texas statehouse and hundreds of thousands who stayed up into the wee hours of the night to watch the drama unfold online bore witness to the as one woman, Texas State Senator Wendy Davis. She stood without sitting, eating, drinking, leaning, using the bathroom or anything other than speaking in an effort to kill SB5, a radical anti-abortion bill. The bill would criminalize the procedure after 20 weeks and force all but five of the state’s abortion clinics to close their doors. That’s five clinics for more than 26 million people. So in essence, they all but eliminated women’s access to safe and legal abortions in the second most populous state in the union.

The Republican-led legislature did everything they could to shut her up. So many men deciding if a woman could speak about laws affecting all women’s bodies was exactly the problem. In the end they ruled talking about sonograms during an abortion debate was off-topic as her final warning. This while state after state tries to force women to have invasive sonograms before getting abortions. Off topic, indeed. But the people revolted, first chanting “Let her speak,” and then roaring when with minutes to go they tried to conduct a vote. (Special high five for bad-assery as well for Texas State Senator Leticia Van De Putte, who raced from her father’s funeral to fight for women’s rights). Then after they tried to claim the bill passed, even though the vote completed after the midnight deadline, we knew better because we were watching.

But despite everything Wendy prevailed, we prevailed. Of course the very next day Gov. Rick Perry called another 30-day special session to try to pass the bill again. This is the second special session he has called to pass the bill, at first you don’t succeed and all. Each special session, it should be noted, could cost voters up to $800,000. So for two that’s $1.6 million. Gee, is there anything else more useful taxpayer dollars could be going to? Nah, definitely just legislating women’s bodies.

In doing so, Texas lawmakers showed their profound misunderstanding of the concept of government of the people. Because instead of listening to their constituents’ righteous ire, they dismissed it. The Lt. Gov. called them an “angry mob” and the Governor described it as a “breakdown of decorum and decency.” Meanwhile people who come armed to the teeth with loaded assault rifles to peaceful rallies filled with mothers and children are true patriots. Got it.

To add insult to injury, on Thursday Perry went and explained Wendy Davis’ mistakes in life to her at the National Right to Life conference. Saying as a child of a single mother and teenage mother herself it was “unfortunate that she hasn't learned from her own example.” Oh, thank you, sir – you really do understand the female experience so much more thoroughly than us females.

In the end, the horrendous Texas bill may pass after all. No one can filibuster for 30 days straight. The Republican legislature certainly has more than enough votes to force it through. But what Wendy did, what the people did that night, will not be in vain. vain. It mattered. They may pass this bill, but we are all watching now. And we’re angry. We’re so angry. And we fucking vote.

My Weekend Crush

Happy Pride, you great big homos you. As is my tradition, I try to feature an LGBT person, place or thing to close out Pride Month each year. Call it the fabulous finale, if you will. And this year, given the historic nature of our celebrations, I couldn’t think of just one person, place or thing to celebrate (though trust me Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Wendy Davis were close seconds). Also, I already crushed all over our hero, Edie. Instead, I thought I’d share a little of that feeling, that feeling of pride which makes it such a special, unique, rare disco butterfly of an event. Sure, there’s the partying and overconsumption of whatever you want to over consume. But there’s also the community, which is such a generic thing to say, but also true. Because what I feel most this week especially, but most weeks truly, is proud. I’m proud of us for fighting and clawing for our rights. I’m proud of us for never backing down, never settling. I’m proud of us for demanding and continuing to demand equality. I’m proud that we’ve used love – that most universal and transformative positive emotion – to changes minds. It also helps that we’re cute. So, I guess, this year my crush is on all of you. Good job, us. Happy Pride Weekend, all.

p.s. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram (dammit, yes, I have one now, too) for SF Pride posts filled with nothing but The Gay this weekend.

Decision Day

Between Voting Rights Acts gutting yesterday night, Texas abortion bill voting shenanigans last night and SCOTUS marriage equality rulings today, I fear the only winner when all this is over will be wine. So until we know, let's all have a glass (who cares that it is 7 a.m.) and hold hands. I'll be back here after the decision comes out to cheer/jeer/get drunk with you all.

UPDATE 1:

DOMA is unconstitutional

— SCOTUSblog (@SCOTUSblog) June 26, 2013

UPDATE 2:

Prop 8. No standing. Per Roberts. 5-4.

— SCOTUSblog (@SCOTUSblog) June 26, 2013

UPDATE 3:
LOVE WON! WE WON! DOMA/PROP 8 DEAD! DRINK ALL THE CHAMPAGNE! LET'S GO GET MARRIED!

UPDATE 4:
Yes, we won today. Yes, we have to keep fighting. Yes, there are 37 other states where marriage equality needs to be secured. Yes, employment non-discrimination needs to be secured. But today, we fucking celebrate.

Waiting for SCOTUS

We will know (as early as today, as late as Thursday) exactly how the Supreme Court feels about our marriages. Whether it condones us or condemns us. As their current session comes to a close the rulings on DOMA and Prop. 8 are imminent. And the closer they get the more I start to feel a mad rush of anxiety, excitement, fear and impatience. I feel all those feelings, all at once and all together in a muddle of hope and terror so strong I don’t dare not breathe. It feels like we’re all holding our breath. Because what those six men and three women say is – quiet literally – the law. Sure, they don’t make laws, but they uphold or strike down those that exist and in doing so are the definitive final word on our land. And so, we hold our breath.

Will we move forward, will progress prevail? Or will we be forced to wait until justice catches up with inherent equality? Ugh. I can’t face the best of times/worst of times uncertainty.

All I know is we’re ready, and love can’t wait any longer.

UPDATE: Tomorrow will be the last day of the session. So we will know, one way or another. Nerves don't fail me now.

Tomorrow is the last #scotus day. Same-sex marriage. History.

— SCOTUSblog (@SCOTUSblog) June 25, 2013

Tweets from Hillary

Sassy. It’s such a great word (and a great, but sadly extinct magazine, RIP). And a word that almost never gets applied to straight men, much to their own detriment. Because sassy people (straight women, gay women, gay men, et al) are kind of the best. That cheeky boldness that indicates an understanding that it’s all ridiculous anyway so why not enjoy it.

Hillary Clinton is sassy. This is, I believe, one of the very few female-identified adjectives without pejorative overtones. She has personality and smarts, but is willing to take the piss out of herself and others. She is, in short, sassy.

And if you ever needed definitive proof that Hil owns her sassiness, look only to her newly established Twitter account, @HillaryClinton.

“Wife, mom, lawyer, women & kids advocate, FLOAR, FLOTUS, US Senator, SecState, author, dog owner, hair icon, pantsuit aficionado, glass ceiling cracker, TBD...”

Also, she used the famous Texts from Hillary photo for her Twitter avatar. And her very first tweet was a shout-out to the Texts from Hillary creators. Hilz is good at Internet, no?

This light-hearted approach to her official Twitter persona took (let’s say it, male) reporters by surprise. Women being funny? Powerful women being funny? Powerful women the media narrative have told us are shrill harpies being funny? Up is down, black is white. WHAT IS THIS MADDNESS?

Oh, shut the fuck up. Those of us who have actually been paying attention to the actual woman have known, for years/decades/forever that Hillary is one funny lady. And, if I may broadly generalize, I have found that female politicians tend to be much funnier and self-deprecating bunch than their male counterparts. Perhaps it is a defense mechanism to coping with such a tiresome boys club. Or perhaps it is because men just won’t tolerate a woman with as big an ego and as thin a skin as they themselves have. Who knows.

All I know if you didn’t already love this hair icon, pantsuit aficionado and glass ceiling cracker, you certainly should now. Bring us your tweets, Hillary. You sassy lady, you.

Vacation Vixen: Minnesota

Marriage equality? You betcha. Welcome, lucky No. 12. This week Minnesota made it an even dozen, following the small flurry of states to pass marriage equality this year (high fives, Rhode Island and Delaware!) Sure, there are still 38 to go. But the momentum is unmistakable and our friend inertia knows that bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. So let’s all make like Mary Tyler Moore and throw out proverbial hats into the sky with joy at a more equal world we’re creating today for all of our tomorrows. Also, you gotta love a state with hot dishes and rainbow bridges.

My Weekend Crush

One of Mother Nature’s greatest gifts is the ability to change. Evolution is our never-ending pursuit of perfection – the path toward a better, stronger, faster, smarter us. So then it shouldn’t be such a surprise that in the few months we’ve sat and watched as country after country, state after state evolves before our eyes on marriage equality. Uruguay, New Zealand, France. Rhode Island, Delaware and on Monday (fingers crossed) Minnesota. Still this seeming swiftness of our recent progression up the evolutionary ladder of equality (after, it should be noted, far too many years of inaction) is a wonder to behold.

So on this Mother’s Day weekend, when even The New Yorker celebrates two moms on its Mother’s Day cover, let’s give a shout out to all the moms out there. Be they two-mom families or single-mom families or mom-and-dad families, they’re all families. (Two-dad families, don’t worry – you get your day, too. In June.) Good families – whatever shape or size or make-up – all want the same thing. To love and be loved and raise their kids right. (Yes, childless couples – your cats and dogs and assorted other flora and fauna count as kids – I know mine do.) And, of course, let’s not forget the Big Mama herself, Mother Nature. Without her constant, loving nagging (in that supportive, for-own-good mom kind of way) we might never have gotten out of that primordial ooze. Thanks, moms. Happy weekend, all.

Kiwi does it

Looks like it’s time to book that trip to New Zealand. Yesterday (well, in our time zone at least) our friends the Kiwis became the 13th country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage. Middle Earth, we salute you. The passage of the country’s marriage equality bill, by a vote in Parliament of 77 to 44, was celebrated by the spontaneous singing in the chamber of the traditional New Zealand love song “Pokarekare Ana” in Maori. If that doesn’t well you up, I feel bad about your poor black heart.

Throughout the song you saw lawmakers and supporters congratulate the bill’s sponsor, out MP Louisa Wall. Also, love the outfit. Her bill amends New Zealand’s marriage act, passed in 1955. I’d like to think if U.S. congressmen and congresswomen passed similarly historic civil rights legislation, they’d break out into a rousing version of “This Land is Your Land.” But those assholes can’t even pass a law that would expand basic background checks to gun shows and internet sales. The lack of political backbone in the face of money and fear mongering is more than just disheartening. It is shameful. But, back to the good news. New Zealand joins Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Iceland, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, South Africa, Spain, Sweden and just last week Uruguay to pass full marriage equality. And remember when I was talking about backbone? Here’s New Zealand MP Maurice Williamson displaying his and dispelling pretty much all the arguments against allowing gay men and women to marry. A little humor, some hard facts, a lot of reason. If only that worked everywhere.

Lesbian Code

While I spend every free moment today obsessing over what exactly happened and how to exactly to write about last night’s big “Lost Girl” season finale (p.s. Don’t worry, Syfy viewers, you’ll get your show in a week), I thought it might be fun to flash back to a time when same-sex attraction among women wasn’t allowed to be shown on the big screen (and before small screens were in nearly every home yet). During the Production Code era starting in 1934, homosexuality was among the many banned themes from our motion pictures. The Hays code would not allow anything that would supposedly “lower the moral standards of those who see it.” That included showing nudity, profanity, men and women in bed together, sexual relationships between the races, ridicule of the clergy, “lustful kissing” and the sexual perversion of us gays. Of course, sneaky types still managed to slip The Gay onto the screen. But it had to be in the form of a public service film showing the evils of our ways. Like the 1938 film “Sex Madness” which told all about the horrors of syphilis. It managed to slip in warnings about premarital sex and lesbianism as a bonus. Though, I don’t know. Seeing Betty hit on Peggy while talking about going to see a burlesque show together is kinda hilariously hot. Girl’s just trying to get a date. Ain’t no shame in that game.

My Weekend Crush

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. Now, I’m not much one for the heaven and hell crowd (see, it worked), but I am one for metaphors. So the devil’s grand trick can be played in numerous, really incalculable ways. And one of those is convincing us the struggle (all of our struggles no matter what –ism or –phobia or combination of –isms or –phobias we fight against) is over. Civil Rights Act passes in 1964, so naturally racism is over. Title IX passes in 1972, so naturally sexism is over. DOMA seems poised to be struck down by the Supreme Court in 2013, so naturally homophobia must be almost over. Etc. etc. So on and so on.

But here’s the thing about progress, we fight and fight for so that by law or by conventional wisdom we may be deemed “equal.” But even afterward, by practice the struggle continues every single day in every single way. Which is why the infuriatingly brilliant essay by author/photographer/producer Deborah Copaken Kogan posted on The Nation (and reposted on Jezebel) this week hit so hard. It’s a brutally honest look at the realities of “post-feminist” culture. Do yourself a favor and take a few minutes to read it here.

The thing about this piece, besides confirming what so many of us feel in so many ways, is that it while her points are specific to women – the sentiment can apply to almost any group that has not truly reached the parity which society superficially perceives them to have reached. Women, racial and ethnic minorities, the disabled, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender people. Any and all people who face the death by 1,000 paper cuts of everyday injustices we are expected to just brush off because, hey, we’re all equal now.

But the thing is, we aren’t. We just aren’t. And we won’t be until we all realize this. Now, as a woman, a gay woman and a minority gay woman, these things naturally weigh heavily on my mind. Yet I in no way want to launch into an Otherness Olympics. It’s why I find it frustrating when people say things like, “Gay is the new black.” Because it isn’t. Black is still black. Gay is still gay. We both have a way to go and shouldn’t make a contest of equality. We should all just realize the dream lives on, and so does the struggle. So let’s work together and fix this shit.

The real enemy, or devil if we’re carrying forward the metaphor, is the assumption that we’re post anything. Post-feminist. Post-gay. Post-race. Post-gender. This is not to say that you cannot aspire for a world where we are post those things or live your life in a way that negates the need for them. It just means as a society – whoooo doggy are we not there yet. We’re so not there that there are ridiculous songs like “Accidental Racist” released for real by mainstream artists who should know way the fuck better. And the Out 50 Power List features only 11 queer women, four people of color and zero trans people. It’s why there were 73 shows on TV last season that employed either no women and/or no people of color as writers. Why a National Medal of Technology and Innovation winning female rocket scientist can have her New York Times obituary lead with talk about her beef stroganoff and being a good wife.

So when people say, “oh, get over it” or, “oh, that’s unnecessary” or, “oh, stop making excuses,’ my blood boils. Because these complaints are nothing of the sort. It’s us demanding our right. Some things just make sense. When you’re hungry, you think about food. When you’re tired, you think about sleep. When you’re underrepresented, you think a lot about representation. You think about it because it matters to you. And you want to be represented fairly. Conversely, it is the inherent privilege of the majority to not have to think about the experience of the minority. But just because it’s your privilege doesn’t make it right.

In a world where everyone expects us to be post everything, it takes (non-gender specific) balls to stand up and call bullshit. One of the best lines of the piece is this, and it can be applied to any and all –isms and –phobias and still hold sadly true:

“This is what sexism does best: it makes you feel crazy for desiring parity and hopeless about ever achieving it.”

We are not crazy. We are not unworthy. We are not equal. But we sure as fuck will keep fighting until we are. Thanks for the pep talk, Deborah. Happy weekend, all.

Allies through the ages

OK, last one. Promise. Consider it a spillover from last week to complete the five-day string of all marriage equality talk all the time. It’s also a powerful reminder that history should always champion those with courageous hearts. While our Golden Girls knew that love is love 22 years ago, there were also brave members of congress who knew the same thing 17 years ago. These were the voices who stood up against the Defense of Marriage Act back in 1996. The men and women who refused to use us as a political pawn. The politicians who never used us as a wedge to scare up vote. As we all know, the bill passed overwhelmingly (342-67 in the House; 85-14 in the Senate) before being signed into law by President Bill Clinton. Those who allowed it to become the law of the land have their own consciences to deal with now (though I’m incredibly pleased at the flood of lawmakers who have since flipped their votes). But there were those allies – 81 in all – who saw clearly from the beginning. And we should never forget and always give thanks for their convictions.

p.s. Since some of the Supremes seem to think same-sex marriage is so a newfangled thing to warrant not risking such experimentation, please enjoy this gorgeous photo of an African-American same-sex couple that appeared in Jet magazine back in Oct. 15, 1970. And, you know what, our marriages have been around and documented a lot longer than even that. Since at least the Middle Ages. Though, despite your ass-ertions, Justice Alito, is no historic evidence of iPhones in Byzantine art.

My Weekend Crush

Everybody loves a love story. They’ve built into our DNA. We crave them. They’re a reminder that for all the harsh cruelty, ugly randomness and willful inequality, there is hope and beauty to make us believe again. And it will be love, the love between Edie and Thea, that could change the world. Which really is how it should be. What changes us, moves us forward, makes us better should come from something good. Certainly, a great wrong was first done to that good. But it’s the good that will prevails and lifts us as a people up.

And we have Edith Windsor, Edie to friends and loved ones (and at this point we should all love Edie), to thank. At age 83, Edie is suing the United States of America to recognize her marriage to her wife, Thea Spyer. The two met in 1963, started dating in 1965, got engaged in 1967 and got married legally in Canada in 2007. Hell, I welled up a little just reading their New York Times wedding announcement. Thea died in 2009 after a 32-year battle with multiple sclerosis. After her death, Edie got stuck with a $363,000 federal estate tax bill. A tax she would not have to pay had her marriage to Edie been recognized by the federal government. In all she paid over $600,000 because her 42-year relationship with Thea meant nothing in the eyes of the law.

But instead of letting it stand, accepting the inequality of it all, she fought and fought and fought. As she fought she often relayed the progress of their case to the life-size portrait of Thea that hangs in her apartment. To this day she wears the circular diamond pin that Thea gave her as a stand-in for an engagement ring all those years ago. She wore it to have the highest court in the land hear her. And we’ve all heard her. She came out of the courthouse spunky as ever. Even if the justices rule to continue an injustice and uphold the Defense of Marriage Act, her bravery and determination will not be in vain. We’ve come too far to be stopped now. So thank you, Edie. Thank you for sharing your love. For showing us your heart. For fighting for us all. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. If you want to get even more inspired, watch their documentary “Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement.” It’s streaming on Netflix. But be warned: Come packing Kleenex.