Vacation Vixen: Jennifer Lawrence

Air travel in America is proof the terrorists have won. Just kidding! Mostly. I just want to leave my shoes on in public like a civilized human being, dammit. After a day of travel it’s nice to take joy in the little things. Like sunshine and kittens and Jennifer Lawrence sliding down a banister after the Met Gala. (She’s in the top left hand corner at the 4-second mark. Please also note Marion Cotillard fully appreciating her antics.) Yes, the little things. Never stop being fucking delightful, Jennifer Lawrence, or the terrorists really do win.

The JLaw of Delight

Oh, Jennifer Lawrence. Just when we think you’re the most delightful person in Hollywood you go and delight us some more. At this point she is clearly the entire Internet’s BFF. Be it her effortless relatability or guileless charm, she is – quite simply – the best. She’s the opposite of stand-offish – no emo red carpet glares of this gal. The antithesis of too cool for school – which of course only makes even cooler. Hilarious – but in a dorky way. Be she falling on the Oscar steps or freaking out at being hit on by professional skeazy old guy Jack Nicholson, she is awesomely real.

Plus, when this gal mugs for the camera, she actually mugs for the camera. Like photobombing Sarah Jessica Parker at the Met Ball Monday night. And then laughing hysterically like we all would when presented with SPJ’s insane fauxhawk headdress. And that, after all, is what we like best about her. She’s like us – sure an incredibly talented, beautiful, famous, rich version of us – but us none the less. Human, and delightfully so. Never change, JLaw. Never ever change.

p.s. I love Marion Cotillard and Lena Dunham’s reactions to the left and right of her during the photobomb.

p.p.s. She also flubbed President Bill Clinton’s name while hosting the GLAAD Awards (fast forward to 3:55). To not love her is surely a sin.

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming. So the Oscars were on Sunday. If you want a comprehensive recap of the big show (Cliffs Notes version: boobs song, sexist joke, Jaws theme, J-Falls perfectly) check it out over at AfterEllen. If you want to see a bunch of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals together, well, you know where to go. No, wait, don’t go anywhere. Stay here, because that’s where they are. No, I mean it. Just scroll down.

Jennifer Lawrence & Anne Hathaway

Don’t they look like the toppers on a gay lady same-sex wedding cake? Replace those shiny naked golden men with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and it’s pretty much ready for the “I Dos.”

Catherine Zeta-Jones & Jennifer Hudson

I am telling you, I’m not going…down on you in front of all of these people. Wait until later, darling.

Amanda Seyfried & Jessica Chastain

Zero Dark Eyes Up, Chastain. Eyes up.

Norah Jones & Adele

Think of the beautiful music they could make together. Figuratively and literally.

Reese Witherspoon, Naomi Watts & Isla Fisher

Naomi is the shiny meat in this beautiful cobalt blue sandwich.

Sally Field & Amy Poehler

Kiss! Make it a threesome with Tina Fey! Or with Aubrey Plaza since she’s leering at you two together in the background already.

Halle Berry & Paula Patton

No, you’re prettier. No, you’re prettier. No, you’re prettier. No, you’re… Sorry, I’m imagining their conversation.

Anne Hathaway & Sarah Silverman

Unlike Zeta-Jones and JHud, they’re not waiting to be alone to make the magic happen.

Miley Cyrus & Kelly Osbourne

This is becoming a regular thing for these two. Same time, same place next year I can only assume.

Jennifer Aniston & Charlize Theron

The blurriness of this picture was obviously caused by Jen lunging toward Charlize because no one has the kind of restraint to hold herself back when presented with that much stunning.

Charlize’s Hair

I’ve never asked a haircut to call me before. But in this case, gurl, call me.

My Weekend Oscars

I have loved the Oscars since I was a little girl and used to beg my parents to let me stay up past my bedtime to watch gorgeous people in extravagant outfits thank their parents and agents and Meryl Streep. So leading up to Oscar Sunday, I get those same excited butterflies. Even when the show is deathly dull, which it undoubtedly will be for unconscionably long stretches, I can’t help but get caught up in the occasion. Something about that little naked golden man makes even the most beautiful, glamourous and talented people in the world turn into blubbering fools. It’s fantastic.

But this year I find myself in the unusual situation of having seen none – yes, NONE – of the best picture nominees. For whatever reason 2012 was a slow movie year for me and I only got out to see a handful of them in the theaters, none which were apparently Oscar worthy. Sure I wanted to see some of the films (chief among them “Beasts of the Southern Wild” and “Silver Linings Playbook”), but it just hasn’t happened yet. So I go into this year without any obvious favorites and with no real reason to act enraged or elated when someone wins or loses. So instead this year I am flat-out base my rooting system on who I think will be the most entertaining/delightful/bizarre acceptance speeches. If I’m just watching it for the show, it might as well be a good one.

So, if you want to follow along with me as I live-tweet this year’s shindig, these are the nominees I’ll be throwing my support behind. Once again, these picks are not based on quality or deserving it (though a few do both), but instead on solely what I perceive will be my personal sense of viewing enjoyment.

1. Jennifer Lawrence for Best Actress
Jennifer Lawrence is hilarious, quotes “Mean Girls” and “The First Wives Club” in her speeches and generally seems like the BFF we all wish we had to watch the Oscars with. I want her to win all the awards always.
2. Anne Hathaway for Best Supporting Actress
Anne Hathaway quoted Tina Fey and also will more than likely cry. Her pixie cut is really cute, too. And she was one Princess of Genovia.
3. Joaquin Phoenix for Best Actor
Please, you know that speech would be a fucking disaster. If we’re really lucky he’ll give it with a frog on his head.
4. Tommy Lee Jones for Best Supporting Actor
But only if he promises to do his Grumpy Cat impression throughout his speech.
5. “Frankenweenie” for Best Animated Film
If Tim Burton wins we’ll be treated to many reaction shots of Helena Bonham Carter and whatever crazytown gothic carnival ride of a getup she decided to grace us with.
6. “Skyfall” for Best Song
Because any day Adele gets to go on stage, open her mouth and say things into a microphone is a good day.
7. A Meteor that takes out host Seth MacFarlane
To be honest, this is what I’m rooting for the hardest. And just in case I think the producers should have Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and/or any other hilarious female comedian who would do a better job hosting this thing waiting in the wings.

Naked Lady Monday

Right, another Monday? No problem-o. Easy peasy. I got this covered. Or should I say uncovered. Nudge nudge, wink wink. Ladies, shall we? Yes, we shall. Let Kerry Washington be our gracious guide. It’s naked time.

Jennifer Aniston

Whenever I look at her being all sexy I think, what would Ross think?

Jennifer Lawrence

I just finished “Catching Fire” (I know, I know – late as usual) and, damn, if I’m not excited for this movie.

Lucy Liu

Elementary indeed, dear Watson.

Jessica Chastain

Fighting terrorism never looked so good.

Marion Cotillard

Contrarty to what Jodie Foster may think, I would totally watch a reality TV show where she makes out with Marion Cotillard.

Beyoncé

Yeah, so she lip synched. She certainly didn’t lip sync that body.

Canadian National Senior Women’s Rugby Team

The team made a sexy calendar to raise funds for its Olympics bid. Well, if it’s for a good cause. Maybe I’ll take a second look.