My Weekend Vacation Vixen: Jodie Foster

I have always had a thing for Jodie Foster. And I’ve always hoped she would find happiness in her (very) private life. I kind of thought she had, what with the settling down and the beautiful Cydney and the kids and all. But then sometimes life gets a little wonky and you break up and you date other people and you go on an internationally televised award show and sorta, kinda, for all intents and purposes* come out while proclaiming your singledom. And now E! News – if they are to be trusted, which means grab the salt shaker – says you are dating Alexandra Hedison (that’s Dylan to us “The L Word” watchers and Ellen DeGeneres’ ex-girlfriend to everyone else). To which I say, get it girl. Sure, it’s weird that the celesbian dating pool is apparently poorly stocked. I mean, how many times can folks catch the same few fish? But, you know what, who cares. Be happy. Be healthy. Be horny. Just don’t let Alexandra tape you two having sex because she’s definitely going to use it to blackmail you later causing you to lose your fortune and have to move in with Leisha Hailey. Which, now that I think about it, sounds kind of fun. OK, not the poor part. Also you’re a smart lady, so I’m sure you’ve made wise retirement investments. But, I mean, Leisha does seem fun. Wait, am I confusing real life and television again? Either way, just let it happen. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. I still wouldn’t let Alexandra around too many kitchen knives. Just to be on the safe side.
* Grammar, yo.

Vacation Vixen: Tatiana Maslany

Fine, as long as I’m talking about things I miss, there’s always “Orphan Black.” The wait is just excruciating. But I know the payoff will be sublime. Because it’s Tatiana Maslany. And if anyone can make an even more dazzling second season than the first season, Tatiana can do it.

Vacation Vixen: Sasha Alexander

While it was, admittedly, a lackluster season, I still miss my Gayzzoli gals. Because no matter how many beards the powers that be threw at them, they still bickered better than any old married couple you’ve ever met. Heading into next season it’ll be a whole new world with no more Janet Tamaro to kick around. Who knows what lies ahead. But if they decide to pull a “NCIS” and put Sasha Alexander in a dominatrix outfit, I won’t complain too much. We always knew she was the secret top anyway.

Vacation Vixen: Zoie Palmer

All the fall shows are back, except for my “Lost Girl.” Us Americans have to wait until 2014 for new episodes. Our Canadian friends only have a month and 10 days. You already have free healthcare, what more to do you want? Lucky Canucks.

p.s. Now, thank to this picture, I want Zoie Palmer and Laura Prepon to get into a raise-and-lower glasses off. Dr. Hotpants v. Alex Vause for glasses supremacy.

Vacation Vixen: Blerta

Right, so I’m on vacation for the next few days. I’m road tripping and will have limited internet access, but lots of wine. Not necessarily in that order. To tide you over while I’m away I’ve lined up some vacation treats for you to nibble on. The first is Tina Fey as Blerta, the new Albanian roommate on “Girls.” This skit proves three things 1) “Girls” is ridiculous, but I’m still going to watch it when it returns. 2) Kate McKinnon is amazing and needs to be given more to do on SNL. 3) Tina Fey can even kill while wearing a rubber hand. Happy vacation to me.

Vacation Vixen: Zoie Palmer

Ever since I began Googling Zoie Palmer some three years ago, this old image of her holding a cat has been one of the first search results to pop up. Oh please, like you don’t do it every other week, too. And I’ve always wondered about the backstory behind the picture. It does not appear to be her own Twitter-famous cat, Clover. Nor does it appear to be from a shoot from some long-ago pet food commercial. Perhaps the photographer just saw two irresistibly cute things and wanted to pose them together. Or, as I like to believe, it was a sign that Zoie was destined to become a lesbian fan favorite. Because, as we all know, we gay ladies love us some hot...um...cat action. Meow. Happy weekend, all.

Vacation Vixen: Alison Brie

I do not watch “Mad Men.” Nor do I watch “Community.” But if Internet chatter is to believe Alison Brie is lovely in both. And it’s a lovely Thursday and she is wearing a lovely suit. So, well, there’s that. What, they can’t all be deep. I’m on vacation.

Vacation Vixen: Jennifer Lawrence

Air travel in America is proof the terrorists have won. Just kidding! Mostly. I just want to leave my shoes on in public like a civilized human being, dammit. After a day of travel it’s nice to take joy in the little things. Like sunshine and kittens and Jennifer Lawrence sliding down a banister after the Met Gala. (She’s in the top left hand corner at the 4-second mark. Please also note Marion Cotillard fully appreciating her antics.) Yes, the little things. Never stop being fucking delightful, Jennifer Lawrence, or the terrorists really do win.

Vacation Vixen: Dorothy Gale

I grew up in the Midwest, where tornado season blew in every year with its warning tickers on the TV and sirens across the city. I remember afternoons spent watching cartoons with my “Go Basket” next to me filled with the essentials – my best flashlight, my most beloved book, my favorite stuffed animal. I remember middle-of-the-night runs to the basement where my PJ-clad parents shepherded us – sleepy kids, barking dogs – into the cold safety of the basement. I remember the calm, sickly grey-green the sky always turned before the winds came. And, as I’m writing this, back in my childhood home, there is a tornado watch for the county until 6 a.m. Luckily, while there were touchdowns around my city, one never hit us. And there was never anything the scope of what happened in Oklahoma yesterday. Explain the convergence of high and low atmospheric pressure systems all you want, but it still feels a lot like fury. My thoughts are with all those who lost more than they can bear. Heal from unspeakable grief, rebuild from unbelievable devastation. May you emerged stronger from the storm and find your rainbow again.

p.s. How to help those in Oklahoma.

Vacation Vixen: Toni Morrison

“If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it.”
- Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon

Vacation Vixen: Minnesota

Marriage equality? You betcha. Welcome, lucky No. 12. This week Minnesota made it an even dozen, following the small flurry of states to pass marriage equality this year (high fives, Rhode Island and Delaware!) Sure, there are still 38 to go. But the momentum is unmistakable and our friend inertia knows that bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. So let’s all make like Mary Tyler Moore and throw out proverbial hats into the sky with joy at a more equal world we’re creating today for all of our tomorrows. Also, you gotta love a state with hot dishes and rainbow bridges.

Vacation Vixen: Lucy Liu

Did you know Lucy Liu was, besides being a rather talented actress with rather adorable freckles, a rather impressive abstract artist? Well, now you do. Also, dear Watson, am I ever excited for the two-hour season finale of “Elementary” tonight.

Vacation Vixen: Julie White

Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole. I am so goddammed pissed they canceled “Go On.” I mean, seriously. Did you have that much going for you in the comedy department, NBC? Sure, you wisely renewed “Parks and Recreation” and “Community” (well, depending on how you liked the Dan Harmon-less incarnation). But axing “Go On” just as it had begun to really find its groove and could become something truly great. YOU FUCKING SUCK. I now demand that Julie White’s character Anne be wholesale moved over to another show – any other show. Comedy, drama, crime procedural. Though, to be honest, I’d be happy if the glorious Ms. White got cast in anything decent because that lady is good and need to be on my teevee on the regular. Sigh. Well, we’ll always have the memories. What I am feeling is getting more, but in an angry way.

Vacation Vixen: Angelina Jolie

So much has been written and gossiped and mythologized about Angelina Jolie over the years it’s hard to remember sometimes that she is a real human person leading a real human life. But yesterday, at midnight, when her essay about getting a preventative double mastectomy posted to The New York Times, it was impossible to think of her as anything but human. A real, honest, brave human.

I have known women who decided to have preventative double mastectomies because they carry the so-called breast cancer gene, BRCA1. And I know it is a very difficult, very personal, very courageous choice. Women should never be judged for wanting to control their own bodies or trying to save their own lives. The sad reality is too few women have the option Angelina had. The test for the gene is expensive and the surgery and breast reconstruction afterward even more so, if your health insurance will even allow it. Or if you have health insurance in the first place. But all women should have the opportunity she had. Shouldn’t a smart health care system want to prevent fires before they start instead of only rushing in after we are engulfed in flames?

What Angelina Jolie did was her choice. Though when you hear that having the procedure made her go from having an 87 percent to an under 5 percent chance of developing breast cancer, it seems like a no brainer. Still she did not have to tell the world of her decision, but did so to raise awareness, create change, express solidarity. So much of our body image as women can be wrapped up in our breasts. But our bodies never define us, only describe us – and even that is just the superficial that the eyes can see. We are, all of us, just humans. Humans who want to stay healthy and be around for the people we love and who love us for as long as we can. Even one of the most beautiful, rich, famous women in the world. Only human, also brave.

Vacation Vixen: Brittany S. Pierce

I could use a lot of words (and more than a few cuss words) to tell you how I felt about the season finale of “Glee” last week. Or, as I like to call it, “Goodbye, Heather Morris. Thanks for all the Sweet Lady Kisses and the Amazing Ass Dancing.” But mostly I want to marvel that someone brought in to teach the other actors the “Single Ladies” dance turned into a season regular, series favorite and someone who genuinely mattered in the lives of a lot of people – especially young people finding themselves. Sure, things may not have turned out as we liked or hoped or made any kind of sense given the laws of space and time and quantum physics. And I have long since sold my stock in the S.S. Brittana cruise ship company. But to quote Rayanne Graff, we had a time. And while it may well be over, it’s nice we got to see that weird, beautiful, unexpected unicorn at all in the first place.

p.s. I'll be on vacation for the next two weeks (well, part vacation, part staycation). So I will be posting mostly Vacation Vixens these next 14 days. But, I might pop in a few full posts because I just cannot help my damn self.

Vacation Vixens: Julie & Jaime

Last day of vacation. But in my mind, I'm going to pretend I'm the lucky bastard at the end of this pool and it is the first day of vacation instead.

Vacation Vixens: Helen & Jessica

Helen Mirren can get it. And is about to get it from Jessica Biel. If you want something, grab it.

Vacation Vixens: Naya & Jumpsuit

I can't stop staring at those two, shiny, bouncing, glorious…cellos. Yeah, cellos. Definitely not the contents of that skin-tight black peekaboo jumpsuit. Just cellos. Or something.

Vacation Vixens: Anna & Zoie

Can I wait for the new season of "Lost Girl?" No, I cannot. Doccubus now, Doccubus forever.

Vacation Vixens: Lena & Piper

Along with the requisite viewing of "Love Actually" each Christmas season, there is a requisite watching of "Imagine Me & You." Because nothing says happy holidays like screaming about wankers and daring people to love you.