My Weekend Crush

Everybody loves a love story. They’ve built into our DNA. We crave them. They’re a reminder that for all the harsh cruelty, ugly randomness and willful inequality, there is hope and beauty to make us believe again. And it will be love, the love between Edie and Thea, that could change the world. Which really is how it should be. What changes us, moves us forward, makes us better should come from something good. Certainly, a great wrong was first done to that good. But it’s the good that will prevails and lifts us as a people up.

And we have Edith Windsor, Edie to friends and loved ones (and at this point we should all love Edie), to thank. At age 83, Edie is suing the United States of America to recognize her marriage to her wife, Thea Spyer. The two met in 1963, started dating in 1965, got engaged in 1967 and got married legally in Canada in 2007. Hell, I welled up a little just reading their New York Times wedding announcement. Thea died in 2009 after a 32-year battle with multiple sclerosis. After her death, Edie got stuck with a $363,000 federal estate tax bill. A tax she would not have to pay had her marriage to Edie been recognized by the federal government. In all she paid over $600,000 because her 42-year relationship with Thea meant nothing in the eyes of the law.

But instead of letting it stand, accepting the inequality of it all, she fought and fought and fought. As she fought she often relayed the progress of their case to the life-size portrait of Thea that hangs in her apartment. To this day she wears the circular diamond pin that Thea gave her as a stand-in for an engagement ring all those years ago. She wore it to have the highest court in the land hear her. And we’ve all heard her. She came out of the courthouse spunky as ever. Even if the justices rule to continue an injustice and uphold the Defense of Marriage Act, her bravery and determination will not be in vain. We’ve come too far to be stopped now. So thank you, Edie. Thank you for sharing your love. For showing us your heart. For fighting for us all. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. If you want to get even more inspired, watch their documentary “Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement.” It’s streaming on Netflix. But be warned: Come packing Kleenex.

Signs of the Times

You’d think two days worth of writing about marriage equality with only a handful of comments would cure me. But no, I am a sucker for punishment. Because on this, one of the most historic legal weeks for LGBT rights, I just can’t shut up about how excited I am to see it all happening before my eyes. Just 10 years ago I wasn’t sure if I’d see same-sex marriage legalized in our country in my lifetime. And now I feel certain of it. So if I go on, if I gush, there’s a reason. Sure, marriage is by far not the final frontier in achieving our full and total equal rights. But it would be such both real (the 1,138 benefits, rights and protections granted federally by marriage) and symbolical (the acknowledgement and acceptance of our love as the same) victory that I cannot help but feel giddy. We will prevail because it is the right thing to do. We will prevail because we are a nation build on the concept of the equality of all people. We will win because skim milk marriage is not whole milk marriage. We will win because even Bill fucking O’Reilly thinks it’s just the bible thumpers left opposing us. We will win because love should always win. We will win because, well let’s be honest – we will win because our signs are better.

Our Girls

Today I feel a lot better than yesterday, I know that. I’ve been engrossed in the Supreme Court hearings these past two days, reading, watching, listening. Yesterday, after some procedural wishy-washiness by the Supremes in the Prop. 8 case, it seemed as if no sweeping decision would be forthcoming on marriage equality. But today, after hearing reports on the DOMA hearing I feel like hard-fought victory may be close at hand. Of course, we shouldn’t get too excited. It won’t be until probably late June until we know for sure. But for now, I feel invigorated. Of course, we also have to ask ourselves what took so long. Because contrary to some justice’s assertions, “gay marriage” is not newer than cell phones or the internet. It’s been around for as long as gay men and lesbian women and all other people in the LGBT spectrum have vowed to love and honor each other until death do they part. Heck, our friends “The Golden Girls” knew it way back in 1991. That’s 22 years ago. We are all friends of Sophia now.

Marriage Court

You know when you’re arguing with someone and she says, “Well don’t make a Supreme Court case out of it.” Well, today and tomorrow we get to literally, make a Supreme Court case out of same-sex marriage. The court will hear the case for challenging the constitutionality of Proposition 8 and tomorrow the case challenging the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act. To say the stakes are high would be an understatement. There is no higher court in the land and the outcome of these cases will shape our legal landscape for years and years to come.

Will we take a big step forward, and assert the right to marriage equality for all? Or will be remain mired in the past, relegating us to a separate and not equal status? I am both incredibly excited and incredibly nervous to hear the outcome. But not matter how the court rules, there is no denying our national momentum toward equality. While I don’t believe our inalienable rights should ever be a popularity contest, we’ve also had the first major victories at the ballot box last November. More people than ever before support gay marriage according to a latest national poll. And more and more of our political leaders are coming forward to support the basic right to love and have that love legally recognized. In fact the mad scramble by some to get on the right side of history before the courts decide it (in the last 48 hours we had Senators Claire McCaskill, Mark Warner and Mark Begich all come out in support) has been jolly sport.

Look, even if you’re not the marrying kind personally, everyone should be entitled to all of the 1,138 federal rights, benefits and protections granted to couples based on marital status. And, no matter how the court rules, everyone so virulently opposed to loving, committed LGBT couples tying the knot is going to look pretty silly looking through the lens of history. If we can’t laugh at these things, well, let’s just laugh because that’s all they deserve.

p.s. Those looking for ways to support the cause, check out Stand for Marriage Equality, Freedom to Marry or HRC. Red shirt, check.
p.p.s. We’ll still have to wait until probably late June for a ruling. Let’s make it the best Pride Month ever, Supremes.

"Go On" watch

You aren’t watching “Go On.” Come clean because the numbers don’t lie. Last Tuesday some 8 million more people tuned in to see D-list celebrities belly flop into a pool than watch the freshman NBC sitcom. And those people, you people, are really fucking missing out.

Not only is “Go On” funny and at times alternately deeply touching and deeply weird, it has got by far the best new lesbian character on television in Anne (played by the beyond fabulous Julie White). Yes, I know, I’ve gone over this topic before. But it is utterly refreshingly how thoroughly integrated Anne’s sexuality is in the show and how utterly devoid it is of coming out angst. Anne is a widow still getting over her wife’s death and it is treated exactly the same as everyone else’s loss, no need for very special anything. It’s not a problem, it just is.

From dealing with being a single mom to dealing with going on her first date, Anne has been wonderfully included. And her friendship with Matthew Perry’s Ryan is unexpected yet organic. Plus, well, you know my weakness for funny misanthropic gals.

But if none of that has persuaded you (what are you, made of stone?) let me reach back into your nostalgia banks and tell you that “Go On” is going to give us the Monica and Chandler reunion of your 90s dreams, and this time with a gay twist. Tuesday’s episode synopsis reads as such:

Ryan’s “wing man” turns into competitor for the affection of a beautiful widow - Courteney Cox guest stars — Anne (Julie White) offers to set up Ryan (Matthey Perry) with a new acquaintance, Talia (Courteney Cox), a recent widow struggling to find her emotional direction. When the three go out together, Talia ends up heavily flirting with them both.

And it isn’t even sweeps week!

Look, I don’t beg much, but I would really like this show to get a second season because Anne is the lesbian character we deserve to laugh and grow with in an age where every day more and more people realize we’re no different than anyone else. OK, fine, sometimes we’re a lot more hilarious.

UPDATE: See! Funny! Watch! I am not above threats!

My Weekend Crush

This week’s earlier confession of my love for late 80s pop brought with it an unexpected bout of collective nostalgia. For many of you reached out in solidarity, confessing your own similar totally tubular tastes. Fine, not for Debbie Gibson. But definitely for The Bangles. Gay women, it seems, love The Bangles. As well they should.

In the late 80s girls who loved girl bands had pretty much two choices: The Bangles or The Go-Gos. I was a Bangles kind of gal. Sure, I liked the Go-Gos. But I loved the Bangles. No judgment, I danced in my PJs to both in my bedroom. But it was The Bangles with Susanna Hoffs’ enormous eyes, Vicki Peterson’s enormous riffs, Debbi Peterson’s enormous beats and Michael Steele’s enormous bangs that spoke to me. They, quite simply, rocked my little world. And they never relied just on sex (though, of course, they were sexy) to sell records. Instead it was all killer hooks and catchy melodies and smart harmonies. I still love their powerful, driving version of “Hazy Shade of Winter” more than the original. And, yes, I still know every word of ‘Eternal Flame” by heart.

I couple of years ago I was lucky to enough to catch them live at the briefly rekindled Lilith Fair. They, of course, rocked. And I sang every song with them, as loud as my little lungs would let me. And it was like I was a girl again, jamming out in my bedroom playing air guitar and dreaming of being a rock and roll star. Happy weekend, all.

Our lovely scrapper

When gay women think about Lena Headey and the rest of the world think about Lena Heady, two very different images appear. To gay women (and those who enjoy watching gay women’s entertainment), Lena is the adorable and all-too loveable florist who made Piper Perabo and all of us watching lose our hearts with one glance across a crowded chapel. To everyone else she is a supreme villainess with side of incest. OK, she might also be that lady who didn’t look like Linda Hamilton or that other lady who was married to the king with the great abs.

But, if a new Esquire spread featuring Lena is any indication, for the wider world her fame and dedicated fandom thanks to “Imagine Me & You” doesn’t exist. The short article lists off accomplishments as “The Brothers Grimm,” “300,” “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” and even “Dredd” – a movie I didn’t even realize made it to theaters last fall – and of course “Game of Thrones.” Which, I guess if you do your research on Wikipedia, is about the best we can expect. But I’m thankful to know the other side. The funny, goofy, lovely side that only those who care enough to dig a little deeper adored already.

So while I’m happy (so happy) she is very gainfully and very steadily employed on a critically acclaimed and wildly successful show, I also wish more of the world knew the self-deprecating, self-described “scrapper with a penchant for ink” that those of us who knew she wasn’t a natural blonde, or villainess, know.

But, hey, I am not above using some visual aids to help get the point across. Or give us a reminder. I am determined to spread the love by any means necessary. For the greater good and all.

p.s. While I really like “Game of Thrones” (back March 31, y’all), I can’t help thinking that sometimes while watching I deeply feel like Fred Savage. Jesus, what the what?

Shockingly devolution

I was never a huge Michelle Shocked fan. Back in the late 80s when she had arguably her most mainstream success, I was still busy listening to The Bangles and Debbie Gibson – please (like we all don’t have embarrassing pop skeletons in our close). But over the years the mention of Michelle’s name always mustered warm, folky feelings of a smiling short-haired lady who was most definitely on our side. But now it seems she really, really isn’t.News earlier this week that Michelle Shocked said something, well, shockingly anti-gay it felt like an added betrayal. To say gay marriage will cause the end of the world and utter that most base boilerplate for bigotry “God hates fags” to a stunned audience is just terrible enough. But from someone we thought was with us, it’s even more horrible.

The reason is simple. People are supposed to evolve, not devolve. Our human trajectory, as told by Darwin, is one of constant adaptation and improvement. And our beliefs have evolved along with our abilities. The long arc of history has bent toward justice. So when we see it bend backwards, it’s against everything we think we know about ourselves. Sure, some may stay suck in the past, unwilling to change. But once we’ve finally crawled out of the primordial ooze, why would we want to submerge ourselves in the muck again?

The only good news from this whole, sad situation is that so many others seem as appalled as we are by this turnaround. To go from a woman who in 1990 told the gay press she had female lovers to a woman today who has been born again and spouts homophobic hogwash is beyond jarring. It’s the same sadly ironic twist that gives us an anti-choice champion Jane Roe. But luckily, we have more and more examples of the normal progression of evolution everyday. Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Rob Portman and two even two Westboro Baptist “God Hates Fags” Church daughters have seen the light. And, today, more Americans than ever – 58 percent – support gay marriage. Less than decade years ago only 32 percent supported it.

Sure, we’ll still have a shock or two pop up, to remind us where we’ve been. But they will be the exception. And as they sink back into the slime, we’ll be on higher ground looking toward a brighter future.

EDIT: So Shocked has finally publicaly responded to her homophobic rant, claiming it's all some sort of colossal communications breakdown and God doesn't hate gays and neither does she. I think. She instead wants to offer mercy to those who believe in a God who hates instead of one who loves. Yeah, OK, whatever lady. What I do know is she sounds deeply conflicted about many things, probably including herself.

EDIT 2: Here is actual audio from the show, which is also confusing. And in desperate need of Spanish translation.

EDIT 3: Got the Spanish translation. It's the Bible verse John 3:16. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." Well that doesn't help. Sigh.

Freedom/Dignity, 2016

Can I just vote for her already and get this party started? So our gal Hillary has gone and (finally) made it official yesterday about her support of same-sex marriage. She made her first public endorsement of marriage equality and thinks we should all get on board the “freedom and dignity of every human being” train. So, kind of the exact opposite of what John Boehner said Sunday when he said “I can’t imagine” ever supporting same-sex marriage. Sure, it may have taken Hill a tad longer than we all would have liked. But she has long worked to help LGBT people and contended that “gay rights are human rights.” History will remember those who got there and those who never did. Seriously, can I send in my absentee ballot today? I’m ready. Let’s go, 2016.

A Mila first dates

A reminder on this Monday to always reach for the stars. And by stars I mean actual movie stars. And by actual movie stars I mean Mila Kunis. Like, on this Monday you should ask Mila Kunis out on a date. Why, because everyone is doing it. Marines, awkward British interviewers and this lesbian film student who wants to ply her with Blue Moon and then dance her final cotillion away in her arms. Wait, colleges still have dances? Anyway, point being. Go for it, lesbians. Chase your dreams. Just stay away from Tina Fey because she is, as always, mine.

p.s. In case you missed it, here is the video that helped to make Mila everyone’s second-favorite movie star BFF behind Jennifer Lawrence.

My Weekend Crush

Regardless of where you fall on the Doccubus-Copubus-BLT Sandwich scale, I hope we can at least all agree that Rachel Skarsten is absolutely killing it this season. Like killing it dead with fire and fantastically funny facial expressions. It’s difficult for any actor to come into an established show and make a mark. Witness Ciara last season who was perfectly nice and a lovely distraction for wolfboy, but also – let’s be honest – boring. Yet Rachel has been able to make her mark and her character her own in less than a season on “Lost Girl.” Whether with an expertly furrowed brow or a perfectly timed zinger, Rachel has emerged in full command of her personality. And, separate from however you feel about whatever ship on the show, I think it’s always great when we’re given another strong, independent female character. Though, admittedly, I’ve always been a sucker for the smartasses.

Tamsin doesn’t suffer fools and, when needed, handles them with a mean right hook. Her confidence is unquestioned, her misanthropy is hilarious, but beneath it all she hides an enigmatic sadness. Which makes sense, it’s not exactly all kittens and cotton candy when your job is to decide who lives and dies on the field of battle. Any show that gives us not one (Bo), not two (Lauren), not three (Kenzi), but four (Tamsin) intelligent, powerful and memorable female characters whose existences do not revolve around men to root for should be applauded. I may not want her to ultimately end up with Bo (Doccubus4Lyfe, yo), but I certainly want her to stick around for a while. More strong female characters shouldn’t divide us (or, worse yet, bring up the oh-so-sexist specter of the catfight). They should be another reason to celebrate. Happy weekend, all.

The P Word

In the spirit of yesterday’s down with the peen point of view post, here are more thoughts on the least welcome member in the lesbian tribe. Yes, ladies who love ladies, let’s talk about penises of the non-detachable (or preferably not detached) variety. Why? Because it’s funny. And they’re funny. And laughing at things which we don’t (or more like don’t want to) understand is a time-honored tradition. Hey, logarithms still crack me up. Long story short, because size really does matter, please press play. I also promise those 2 minutes and 38 seconds are the most I’ll make you ever think about the penis at one time on my blog. And if even that seems too much, there are cute lesbians talking about them. So just press mute.

Girls on film

Two new movies. Both featuring largely all-female casts. Both about lawless groups of teen girls doing bad things. Both with well-known, talented actresses. And only one I want to see based on the trailer. “The Bling Ring” and “Spring Breakers” seem, on paper, to be cut from the same cloth. One about the real-life story of a group of teens who stole from the rich and famous in Hollywood. The other is a made-up tale of spring break gone way too wild.

“The Bling Ring” by Sofia “Lost in Translation” Coppola features Hermione Emma Watson. Brightest witch of her age, indeed.

“Spring Breakers” by Harmony “Kids” Korine features Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, “Pretty Little Liars’” Ashley Benson and James Franco – so much James Franco. (Warning: Super NSFW)

Right, so what makes me excited about “The Bling Ring” and turned off by “Spring Breakers” – besides Franco’s creepy gold teeth and cornrows – is viewpoint. Granted, we only have short trailers to go off of at this point. But one seems shot, while voyeuristically, from the young women’s point of view. The other seems shot, also voyeuristically, from the unmistakable angle of male gaze. I say this not from an angry lesbian who hates men place (I love ya, fellas, just not in that way), but a women – particularly young women – should be allowed to own their sexual agency place. I’ve got no problem with skin and sex, on their own. Shake what your mama gave you all you want, girl. But it’s the “you” that matters most here. It’s perfectly OK if they want to be bad, as long as their being bad for themselves and not under the direction of or for the enjoyment of some older, powerful dude somewhere. That’s not revolutionary.

Granted, I never expected Korine’s film to be much more than a smash-and-grope exploitation fest. This is the man who employed maximum shock and awe in 1995’s “Kids,” a movie that so disturbed me I had to go eat copious amounts of warm cheese with my friends afterward to feel better. If the trailer and it’s Franco-centric narration is any indication, I’m going to have to buy a whole cheese plant to make it through this one.

Admittedly, I’m more drawn to Coppola’s work – even her laconic misses – in the first place. She brings an elegant visual style and an unhurried voice to all of her work. Plus, the movie also stars Erin Daniels and anything that brings Dana back to us is more than welcome in my world.

So, thoughts? Which teen bad girls movie will have you breaking out the popcorn and handcuffs. But, seriously. Can we talk about Emma’s tongue. I have all these feelings, and none of them are appropriate.

Real-life Rosies

So I started to watch “Bomb Girls,” finally, and now I’m in the mood for even more strong women is headscarves with spunky “We Can Do It” attitudes. And nothing is better than the real thing. Here is a collection of images from women at work during World War II giving it their best Rosie the Riveter. Just a reminder that we’ve always been able to do it. And we always will be, too.

A collection of images by Alfred T. Palmer from the WWII era:








EDIT: While disappointing that some of these ladies may be subs for the real rosies, they inspire still. And, remember, Gladys started in the secretary's office. So there's always hope.

Much Ado About Joss

As a writer, it’s a sin to not love The Bard. And as a geek, it’s practically a sin to not love Joss Whedon. So when the two come together in a ecstatic flurry of familiar faces and famous words it’s kind of exhilarating. Kind of? Give me a break. Really freaking exciting, and that’s probably an understatement. We, the assorted huddled masses, now finally get to see this fusion of Shakespeare and Buffyverse as “Much Ado About Nothing” finally gets a trailer and a release date. The backstory on the film is almost as interesting as the finished product. Shot over 12 days in October 2011 in Joss’ house as his wind-down project from filming “The Avengers” with a slew of Whedon favorites including but not limited to Amy Acker, Nathan Fillion, Alexis Denisof, Clark Gregg, Fran Kranz, Tom Lenk, Sean Maher, Reed Diamond and Ashley Johnson (a.k.a. The waitress saved by Captain America).

Now I will say that I wish a few more familiar Whedonverse ladies were in the project. Granted, I know your SMG or Alyson or Elizas are probably too busy/big for it. But I sure wish a Gina Torres or Amber Benson or Summer Glau or Emma Caulfield or Jewel Staite had been there too. But, small quibbles aside, I’m happy to see what seems to be such a genuine and spontaneous project see the light of day (In theaters June 7! Who is going with me?). The original rom-com from the mind and friends of Joss? Count me in.

p.s. Dude, Joss has a really, really, really nice house. Like really. Nice.

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