Lesbian Living: The Magazine

Sometimes I have to go in to work on a Sunday and my mind wanders. Like, a lot. Like, what if there was a Lesbian Living magazine? It would be like Southern Living magazine, but with more tips on how to fix your own plumbing. And comparisons of the softest flannels instead of hottest lipsticks. Yeah, like I said, my mind wanders. So I thought I would ask you kittens on Twitter to wander with me. And dammit if I don’t want to read every single one of your article pitches. Come on, ladies. Get writing. This magazine won't publish itself.

@dorothysnarker The best softball glove for your money.

— Leann (@Lann88) August 12, 2013

@dorothysnarker "How Many Cats is Too Many?" #lesbianliving

— Virgotex (@Virgotex) August 12, 2013

@dorothysnarker "she wants me to move in but I think we should wait until our third date: How to know when to rent the U-haul"

— Kate Terry (@reckingfolkie) August 12, 2013

@dorothysnarker "Honda or Subaru - which SUV is for you?" "Tents that won't make you look fat" "

— Grumpy (@GrumpyYetAmusin)August 12, 2013

@dorothysnarker Illustrated instructions on couples sleeping with multiple cats in the bed#LesbianLiving

— Holly (@EdgeOfHolzzoli)August 12, 2013

@dorothysnarker "Ten Tennis Shoes You Can Wear to the Office".

— Sofi (@SoftJay)August 12, 2013

Inquire within for subscriptions.

My Weekend Crush

You know sometimes after a long, busy, tiring, crazy week it takes a little while before you can settle into your weekend. Like the stress of the past five days hangs over you like a cloud and your shoulders don’t unclench until like Sunday morning and that’s only after your friends force-feed you two mimosas at brunch because, dude, it’s the weekend and you need to totally chillax. Nope, neither do I. Also, who still says chillax? I’m actually amazingly good at leaving the ridiculousness of the week behind me. Call it vestigial last-bell reflex where the my Pavlovian response to the end of the day is to throw my bag in the air and run away screaming “Freeeee!” But in my head. Usually. Anyway, that’s a really long set-up to say, I hope you guys all have a weekend as awesome and carefree as this policewoman’s. This Sydney officer knows how to let loose. (Things get good at the one-minute mark.) Police were there to check out the scene at a youth center fundraiser. And this officer decided to serve, protect and boogie. Screw dancing like no one is watching. Dance like you know everyone is watching and you don’t have a single fuck to give. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Also, no one call me this weekend. I’m busy mainlining the rest of “Orange Is the New Black.” So good I totally stayed up until 3 a.m. last night watching.

And on guitar, one cool cat

Hey, remember DeAnne Smith? That funny lesbian who made that funny video about lesbian relationships and hummus and kittens manifested out of love. Well, she’s gone and captured our collective lesbian zeitgeist again by combining a nerdy love song with a ukulele, bowtie, wordplay and kitten. Yes, kitten. So, so much kitten. I feel better about just about everything now. Also, please take your pants off immediately. Just seeing if that would work.

p.s. Sorry of those of you who were disappointed today’s post wasn’t about budgeting strategy to fix America’s infrastructure while carrying on multiple covert wars. Blame the kittens.

Feel my Glo

When you can’t beat them, make’em laugh. I don’t know why it has taken me so long to discover Gloria Bigelow. But I now want to click-and-pop about her to the whole world. And because it is Wednesday and because you deserve it for making it through half the week, I’ll let you in on my find. Or, if you already knew her and just feel like Color Purpling me about my misfortune of not knowing, feel free.

How a Hart beats

I’m not even going to. I just wanted to share. I can’t begin to set-up. You know what, just press play. Press play and when you’re done laughing and hitting replay and laughing again, we’ll talk.

[Appropriately long pause to allow for laughter, replaying and more laughter.]

Yeah. I know. Right, so that was Hart, who also goes by Heartbeat, who is a young gay comedian from Southern California and is, as you can clearly see, very funny. Also pretty fearless. Also very, very funny. Also loves watermelon. And has adorable dimples. Yeah. I know. That just made my whole damn week, possibly longer.

Want more? Subscribe to Hart Beat’s YouTube channel right here.

Water, water everywhere

Another rushed day, another late post. In all the hustle and bustle and bullshit it is good to breathe deeply and remind yourself “This is water.” Please take 9 minutes to yourself and enjoy David Foster Wallace’s 2005 Kenyon College commencement speech (slightly abridged) and delicately animated.

And, if you haven’t already, pop on by Hyperbole and a Half to see the first post from the always brilliant Allie Brosh in almost two years. It’s about depression and is dark but true and also terribly funny. Which is pretty much life for you.

The P Word

In the spirit of yesterday’s down with the peen point of view post, here are more thoughts on the least welcome member in the lesbian tribe. Yes, ladies who love ladies, let’s talk about penises of the non-detachable (or preferably not detached) variety. Why? Because it’s funny. And they’re funny. And laughing at things which we don’t (or more like don’t want to) understand is a time-honored tradition. Hey, logarithms still crack me up. Long story short, because size really does matter, please press play. I also promise those 2 minutes and 38 seconds are the most I’ll make you ever think about the penis at one time on my blog. And if even that seems too much, there are cute lesbians talking about them. So just press mute.

Real-life Rosies

So I started to watch “Bomb Girls,” finally, and now I’m in the mood for even more strong women is headscarves with spunky “We Can Do It” attitudes. And nothing is better than the real thing. Here is a collection of images from women at work during World War II giving it their best Rosie the Riveter. Just a reminder that we’ve always been able to do it. And we always will be, too.

A collection of images by Alfred T. Palmer from the WWII era:








EDIT: While disappointing that some of these ladies may be subs for the real rosies, they inspire still. And, remember, Gladys started in the secretary's office. So there's always hope.

Happy New Funny

I firmly believe the best way to start a new year is with a good laugh. So here is one courtesy the pretty, witty and gay Mae Martin. She’s Canadian, eh, but does her funny business across the pond. Damn you Brits, getting all the cool stuff and Mini Cheddars. So please kick off your new year reading erotic Harry Potter fan fiction and nursing your hangover with the medicine called laughter. Happy 2013, kittens.

Total studs

The season of tryptophan-induced napping and workplace cookie snacking is now officially in full swing. Now I fully approve with indulging and enjoying to your little heart’s content. One of my particular weaknesses is homemade, still-warm snickerdoodles. But I am also in awe and respect of the hard-work and dedication it takes to mold one’s body into a piece of flesh-and-blood marble. So then let us all indulge and enjoy in a delicious treat of another variety today. Something scrumptious like the queer black female “athletes, artists, lovers” featured in Nick Knight’s V magazine spread Studs. So. Many. Abs. I must say, for a glossy fashion mag, this is a pretty damn progressive, gorgeously gender bendy photo essay. Not a bad way to start a Monday, not a bad way at all.

And look, there is video too!

p.s. I am not even kidding, but there is an additional SIXTEEN AND A HALF HOURS of uncut footage from the photoshoot on the V site, in case you still can’t get off the couch from all that turkey.