My Weekend Crush

With minimal screen time Kristin Bauer van Straten has been able to have maximum impact on “True Blood.” It’s not just her delivery, which is dry and perfect. Or her look, which is divine and perfect. It’s how she blends elegance, contempt, boredom, amusement, fierceness and shocking flashes of tenderness together effortlessly. Also, let’s be honest, it’s also that eyebrow raise, which is – you guessed it – perfect. Sure, I sang the praises of the Pam/Tara finale moment earlier. But Pam’s evolution on her own is quite a thing as well. Over five seasons Kristin has been able to take Pam from arm candy sidekick to integral emotional touchstone for the show. Without Pam, Eric is just another suave killing machine. Without Pam, Tara is just another confused newbie vamp. Without Pam, who would bring the lesbian weirdness? Let every vampire, werewolf and whathaveyou in Bon Temps lust over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina. I’ll take Pam and her badass bite, thanks to Kristin, any day – and especially night. Happy weekend, all.

French twist

Right, so here we ugly Americans go remaking another foreign film. Subtitles are apparently unpatriotic. Reading is for sissies. Kidding, kidding! Well, not about the remaking a foreign film thing. The latest is “Passion,” a remake of last year’s French film “Love Crime.” Both films feature two strong female leads playing off one another – a female executive and her seemingly naïve protégé. Both involve strong Sapphic (ugh, I know – that word) overtones which are played up in the trailer. But there is one very obvious difference, minus the language barrier, that leaps out immediately.

Whereas the French original “Love Crime” featured Kristin Scott Thomas and Ludivine Sagnier, the American remake “Passion” stars Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace. Now, I love all these actresses. I think they are tremendously talented. But let’s play a little game of which one of these is not like the other. First, watch both the trailers.

French Version


American Version

Pick up on the difference? No? Maybe some numbers will help.

Rachel McAdams is 33.
Noomi Rapace is 32.
Ludivine Sagnier is 33.
Kristin Scott Thomas is 52.

Bing-bing-bing! We have a winner! The older woman, younger woman dynamic has been eliminated in the American version. Instead it has been replaced by two younger women of the same age. Which, um, huh? Now, I have not seen this movie. I haven’t even seen the French version of the movie. But I know a large component of the French movie was the age difference and the intrinsic power struggle and dynamic it created. But now in the American version, the women only have their stations, not ages, to spar with. And that is just, well, less interesting. Why make the women so close in age? Why not have an older and a younger women face off together? Because it’s hotter when two younger women kiss? Because older women don’t exist in American cinema outside of maternal roles or lovelorn rom-coms? Ugh. Don’t get me started.

Look, “Passion” may be an excellent movie. I probably will see it because I have a fetish for freaky masked sex scenes. Kidding, kidding! But I am nonetheless annoyed that we had to go take out the old(er) lady and put in two younger hotties instead in the remake. Oh, America.

Modern times

If you are being a masochist and watching the Republican National Convention this week, you are probably hearing a lot of things that sound like the above coming out of a people’s mouths. It’s enough to drive a woman to drink – fine, to drink more. As another presidential election year grinds on, I’m reminded that it was just four years ago when my state chose to take away a right from an entire segment of the population. When the people of my state, some of them neighbors, decided that we should not be allowed the same things they are allowed. That we were not equal. But, from the horrible ashes of Prop. 8 has come change – real change. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is gone. We have our very first sitting President come out and say publically he believes gays and lesbians should be allowed to marry. And opinions really are changing – now more people in public opinion polls say they support gay marriage than don’t support gay marriage. Not that it should be a popularity contest. That’s the thing about rights, no one should be able to take them away from you. But still, hearts and minds matter. So, on this week that we’re being pummeled with a lot of rich, privileged people saying how much they love America – just not all Americans – please enjoy this little ditty about “Modern Love” by Matt Nathanson. I know I did.

Meet your maker

WARNING: “True Blood” season finale spoilers. Or as I like to call, “What the fuck was that?”

Right, so I think we can all agree this season of “True Blood” was, well, not good. Pretty bad. Shit, let’s get real – it was a hot, hot mess of a mess. The main problem with the fifth season was that it was segregated into a million small, separate stories where none of the characters talked to anyone but the people in their small, separate stories. Bill didn’t talk to Sookie. Sookie didn’t talk to Eric. Eric didn’t talk to Pam. Pam didn’t talk hardly at all. This strange compartmentalized season had a million small, separate stories I didn’t care one whoop about. Terry and the smoke monster. Andy and the fairy quintuplets. Alcide and the pack. Hoyt and the Obamas. I just really didn’t care. (Well I cared a little bit about Hoyt, but mostly because I care about Jessica.) Oh, and Russell Edgington – I really fucking hate Russell Edgington. Though Eric killing him felt even better than I thought it would. Plus the whole tiresome religious zealot allegory told via Lilith and The Authority? Pat Robertson exists already – I don’t need to be reminded of that sort of bullshit on my silly, sexy vampire show.

But here’s the thing that if not redeemed the season (because, really, I cannot overstate what a hot, hot mess of a mess it was) is the Pam and Tara relationship. Pam turning Tara. Pam teaching Tara, reluctantly. Tara caring for Pam, reluctantly. And then, well, the kiss. That kiss was something. Sure we all saw (or at least hoped we saw) it coming. Pam and Tara together? That’s HOT. But it also makes a strange kind of sense. In fact it’s the only thing that makes sense in this screwy, sloppy season. All Pam’s vampire life the only other person she has cared for was Eric. And all of Tara’s human life, the only people she has cared for are Sookie and Lafayette. And then Eric releases Pam. And then Sookie and Lafayette turn Tara. And those two, all they have is each other. They hate it at first, naturally. But despite it all a bond forms. A bond built out of earned respect and mutual admiration. These are both tough, tough women. These are both survivors. Is it slightly maternal? Sure. But remember Bill slept with his maker Lorena for decades. And Eric sleeps with his sister. Incest isn’t really a thing in the vampire world, so cool your outrage jets folks.

So what will keep me coming back for “True Blood” season 6? Definitely not Billith the bloody tampon monster. Nope, it’ll be the love – hard-earned and well-deserved – between Pam and Tara. In a season that went from ridiculous to “bitch, please,” it was the one true moment of tenderness that didn’t feel farcical. With any luck, come season 6, we’ll finally be able to see that date they owe each other. Because, come on, hot.